Almost a year ago, the Federal Aviation Authority, under the helm of transportation secretary Pete Buttigieg, announced that the aviation briefing known as NOTAM, or Notice to Airmen, would undergo a name change. NOTAMs are unclassified notices distributed from an aviation authority to all pilots that contain essential information regarding conditions, hazards, system concerns, or other flight operations. NOTAM, Mayor Pete’s Department of Transportation declared, wasn’t gender inclusive and, as of December 2, 2021, it should henceforth be referred to Notice to Air Missions, not Airmen.
While Mayor Pete preoccupied his department with scrubbing the bigotry out of an acronym, it never occurred to the Biden administration’s Chief Diversity Hire that the system itself might need some tending-to. That was until this morning when an outage caused the NOTAM system to fail and all flights in the US were grounded for several hours, something that hasn’t happened since 9/11.
Today’s FAA system failure came just weeks after Southwest Airlines ruined Christmas when its outdated computer system led to thousands of canceled flights — something that the transportation secretary brazenly mocked, seemingly unaware that the Biden administration had given billions of dollars in handouts to Southwest, with no oversight. As he wagged his finger at the airline, Mayor Pete was oblivious that his own computers might need a tune-up.
But bothersome tasks like keeping the planes flying, or the cargo ships moving, or the railroads secure, aren’t very sexy for Mayor Pete — who famously harvested a couple of babies from surrogates then went on “paternity leave” in the middle of a supply chain crisis. Being blindsided by catastrophe, as happened this morning, seems less like a bad day at the office for Pink Privilege Pete and more like a lifestyle choice.
Like the rest of the Biden administration, or like the last emperors of Rome, Mayor Pete is supremely decadent as civilization collapses around him. We have genderqueer Energy Department officials moonlighting as luggage thieves, health czars dressing up as women and parading around in military uniforms they didn’t earn, and a vice president who seems to have completely given up on life.
Lest we forget: Mayor Pete’s legacy as mayor of South Bend, Indiana, the only elected office he’s held, amounted to the fact that he couldn’t fix the potholes. Now he’s in charge of transport for the world’s largest economy, where he’s done little else than fuss over problematic acronyms and grandstand about racist roads and prejudiced bridges, while flying on private government jets to soccer matches in Europe and still finding time to post cringe on Instagram with his Navy Yard hausfrau Chasten.
This Friend of Dorothy has no clothes, let alone red sequined shoes. After today, even the people who once propped up Michael Avenatti as a potential presidential contender will be forced to slink back and pipe down on their Oval Office aspirations for Mayor Pete. “Folks, I’m too sleepy to understand the announcement they just made over loudspeaker at the airport,” tweeted ex-Republican View host Ana Navarro. “Why are all flights at MIA grounded? Anybody? @SecretaryPete? ✈️”
Like Obama but less gay, Pete is a smooth talker and easily charms unmarried, childless women. But his hair isn’t the only thing that’s fake — the man hasn’t got a clue. Yet thanks to his magical gay puppy dog powers, no one seems to care.