It turns out the Revolutionary War was fought in vain. According to a US News and World Report survey, most Americans prefer the United Kingdom to these United States. In Cockburn’s estimation, this a betrayal, a national embarrassment and the least patriotic thing an American could say. We might as well join the Commonwealth.
According to the US News annual Best Countries ranking released on Wednesday, Americans believe the UK is the best country in the world. The report, which aggregates data from respondents worldwide about cultural influence, quality of life and power among other categories, ranked Switzerland first for the fifth time in eight years. America came in fifth, falling one spot since last year. The report also investigated how American view themselves compared to other countries — which is, shamefully, not as number one.
Cockburn is struggling to understand how the UK topped the list. Sure, he follows the British royal family closely and has rewatched Downton Abbey several times, but it takes more than a cute accent to be number one. As far as Cockburn is aware, Britain doesn’t occupy much space in the average American brain. The only thing the UK really has on America is that Harry and Meghan live in California now.
Cockburn also suspects the report’s methodology might be flawed. He noticed that there wasn’t a category for dental hygiene included under public health. Surely, that would have dropped those snaggle-toothed Brits down a couple pegs. Some more targeted questions about cuisine would also have been helpful in understanding cultural influence. It’s never a good sign when your national dish hails from halfway around the world.
Americans aren’t all a bunch of self-loathing commies, though. We did rank the US the third best country in the world, two spots higher than US News did. In some categories, we even ranked ourselves highest — like in caring about animal rights. We’re still the best at some things . . .
