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Left-liberal America is desperate for Beto O’Rourke, that much is clear. He is the charismatic handsome Texan the world has been waiting for. But, following his narrow midterm loss to Ted Cruz, the enthusiasm for O’Rourke 2020 seems to have transmogrified into something else — something creepy. Cockburn is disturbed to report that the appetite for Beto’s progressive politics is being subsumed by a depraved and extremely vulgar lust for the dashing young congressman.
Nobody has ever mistaken Ted Cruz for a sex idol, except perhaps the young Ted Cruz:
But social media is starting to thirst for Beto in a vulgar, indecent manner. Take for instance, these tweets (trigger warning: the following content is revolting. We publish only to draw attention to the depth of the problem):
Ojeda and Avenatti as candidates are like the guy who thinks good sex is pumping away while you’re making a grocery list in your head wondering when he’ll be done.
O’Rourke is like the guy who is all sweet and nerdy but holds you down and makes you cum until your calves cramp.
— Leah McElrath 🏳️🌈 (@leahmcelrath) November 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/yuphoriia/status/1060158692153323522
Idk how to tell my bf that I had a wet dream about Beto
— dru berrymore (@ahoeforbenedict) November 13, 2018
HOW THE FUCK DID Y'ALL LET TED "I'm the Zodiac Killer" CRUZ WIN RE-ELECTION?!? That man is ugly af. Beto probably has great dick. I just know it. I feel that energy coming from him. But y'all voted for TED "My real name is Raphael" CRUZ???
Beyonce about to run up on Texas like pic.twitter.com/KRBTOmwJk2
— card carrying heterosexual (@brownbettywhite) November 7, 2018
beto is a charismatic leader with a talent for making progressive positions sound like common sense american principles. or, to put it another way, he’s got that mac & cheese pussy
— LB™️ “𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧” 🛢 (@LydiaBurrell) November 12, 2018
beto o'rourke is such a daddy pic.twitter.com/8DgIUu2UyR
— ً (@drugismybabe) November 7, 2018
https://twitter.com/yolajustina/status/1062178070927470592
Beto O’Rourke is cutting up flank steak over on Instagram in case anyone asks how it is I got pregnant. pic.twitter.com/vxpryuO30g
— Ξvan Ross Katz (@evanrosskatz) November 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/sopeworlds/status/1062110749781344261
When Daddy and I are both equally wet.#BetoORoarke #Beto2020 #Horny4Beto #WetAndWild pic.twitter.com/QVJjlmuZ2W
— horny4beto (@horny4beto) November 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/slutwhre/status/1061083453762940928
https://twitter.com/RahEli__/status/1062192735321579520
thinkind about beto 2020…my dick hard pic.twitter.com/NXbkuLhNHa
— lucas. (@greywithsloan) November 12, 2018
That look Daddy gives you when he’s ready for the #2020Election. #BetoORourke #Beto #Presidential #Daddy #Dems #DemocraticDaddy pic.twitter.com/knr7MrYXYt
— horny4beto (@horny4beto) November 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/uggobitchmikey/status/1060244815856787456
https://twitter.com/spicyasianmix/status/1060248812550324225
https://twitter.com/GWYNETH1S/status/1062139373850890242
i would suck the shit outta Beto’s dick
— cy dolla $ign (@cyhinson) November 9, 2018
https://twitter.com/KtNewby_/status/1060648972337979392
https://twitter.com/aestheticposts/status/1061343152160702464
https://twitter.com/juulgrape/status/1060290063953788933
“I want to get raw dogged by Beto” is the only acceptable political stance to have in 2018 pic.twitter.com/v5aVSZRNdZ
— Dogwet Slapsby: Crimes Boy (@Powerful_nephew) November 13, 2018
Cockburn gets it – he’s a good-looking, woke, skateboarding man – and social media is all about being as lewd as humanely possible. But the Twitter perverts are trying just a bit too hard: the whole sexy Beto thing rings false. So for goodness sake, take it down a notch, and stop objectifying poor Beto. We can’t cope with a whole primary season of this horndog energy.
