Trump endorses Eric

Erics across Missouri and indeed this great nation of ours were delighted on Monday when Donald Trump endorsed them for Senate.

In Missouri, two candidates, Eric Greitens and Eric Schmitt, have been duking it out for months in the Republican Senate primary. Both have courted Trump, both claim to be America First, and both accuse the other of being a RINO.

After begging for some attention from The Donald, the Lion of America at last stepped forward with an endorsement:

I trust the Great People of Missouri, on this one, to make up their own minds, much as they did when they gave me landslide victories in the 2016 and 2020 Elections, and I am therefore proud to announce that ERIC has my Complete and Total Endorsement!”

Schmitt promptly issued a press release that declared, “Trump endorses American First candidate ERIC SCHMITT.” He added that he stands against “Radical Left Lunatics who want to indoctrinate our kids in school.”

Greitens — The Other Eric — then sent this on Twitter:

I’m honored to receive President Trump’s endorsement. From the beginning, I’ve been the true MAGA Champion fighting against the RINO establishment backing Schmitt. President Trump said it best when he characterized Schmitt’s campaign as “great dishonesty in politics.”

With Trump’s ambiguous endorsement out, Cockburn knows the two politicians will do what they do best: use other people’s words to their own advantage.

No word yet on whether Trump will clarify in favor of a single Eric. The nation’s Eric lobby declined to comment.