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America isn’t having enough sex. Phew. Cockburn thought it was just him — but now the New York Times is issuing a call-to-arms: Americans need to bump uglies more!
In the national paper of record, Magdalene J. Taylor wrote a guest essay in favor of sex, arguing that it is a “critical part of our social wellbeing, not an indulgence or an afterthought” and explaining “across almost every demographic group, American adults old and young, single and coupled, rich and poor are having less sex than they have had at any point in at least the past three decades.”
She goes on to say that, “In the 1990s, about half of Americans were having sex weekly or more — that figure is now under 40 percent. For many who are having sex, the frequency has dropped precipitously.”
Taylor drops the facts thick and fast: “A lack of sex can easily translate into less socialization, fewer families and a sicker population: sex reduces pain, relieves stress, improves sleep, lowers blood pressure and strengthens heart health.”
As if it could get more depressing, not only are we not getting laid, but we’re also friendless losers that sit in our apartment alone, probably watching porn. The article says, “The number of Americans who report having no close friends at all has quadrupled since 1990, according to a Survey Center on American Life study. An average American in 2021 spent 58 percent less time with friends than in 2013, the Census Bureau found.”
Of course, it wouldn’t be a true NYT op-ed without a deeply right-on argument: “Having more sex is both personal guidance — your doctor might well agree — and a political statement. American society is less connected, made up of individuals who seem increasingly willing to isolate themselves. Having more sex can be an act of social solidarity.” To the barricades, fornicators!
Taylor concludes by saying, “So, anyone capable should have sex — as much as they can, as pleasurably as they can, as often as they can.” Cockburn would like to give praise to the Times where it’s due for offering sage wisdom during America’s bonking blight. A true act of public service journalism.
In the lead-up to Valentine’s Day, and in the spirit of the pursuit of happiness our Founders promised us, Cockburn implores you to share this article with your spouse, hook-up, crush or polycule (probably not coworkers, it’s 2023 after all). “Honey look, it’s science, the New York Times says so.” Could there be a more compelling case?
