What do Lana Del Rey and Hunter Biden have in common? More than you might think, apparently. Cockburn must admit that he felt a little sorry for the singer after she announced that she was facing a “bit of a roadblock” with her work… after her laptop was stolen.
The singer posted to her private Instagram that “a few months ago, I parked my car on Melrose Place and I stepped away for a minute. And the one time I left my backpack inside my car, someone broke all of the windows and took it and inside of it was my computer and my three camcorders and my hard drives.”
So, what’s in the bag?
Del Rey revealed that she lost her in-progress album after admitting that she did not have any of her work backed up to the cloud and had wiped her computer. She added that the thief could access her phone from her computer, and begged fans not to listen to the music if they come across it. Fat chance of that, sorry Lana.
She also said that a 200-page draft of a book she was writing for Simon & Schuster was lost in the process. In fairness, Del Rey said that, “I really want to persist and make the best art I can, even if I have to start over with my book.” Power to her: if it were Cockburn that had slogged out hundreds of pages of work only to see it disappear, he’d have to call it a day.
Lana herself said that the thief is able to access her phone through the laptop, so it’s likely that there will be an email or text leak soon. And after it was announced that her new boyfriend is Courtney Love’s ex Jack Donoghue, whose debut EP was titled “Yes I Smoke Crack,” God only knows how juicy those messages will be.
A source told the Daily Mail that the pair are an “unexpected power couple of dark, twisted Americana.” Maybe there could even be emails that reveal the extent of her family business ties to Ukraine and China. Now Cockburn sees why she’s worried.
And then, of course, there are the nudes. Lana said herself that the thief could leak her “personal photos” — and we all know what that means. For her sake, Cockburn sincerely hopes that the contents of Lana’s photo library never makes it online for the world to see. We don’t need to look at whatever she might do with M&Ms.
Cockburn is putting all his faith in the famously reputable Los Angeles Police Department. Hopefully they can recover Del Ray’s items and help her avoid a delayed bout of “Summertime Sadness”…