Kristi Noem has been taking heat for packing heat on her dog. In an excerpt from her upcoming book, the South Dakota governor admitted to shooting her family’s wire-haired pointer, Cricket. After ruining a peasant hunt and killing her neighbor’s chickens, Noem took the pooch out back and sent her to a gravely grave. The news has sent shockwaves across the country — all but tanking Noem’s hopes of “softening” Trump’s image as a female VP pick — but Noem is far from the first politician to be embroiled in a canine scandal.
Barack Obama
Hot dogs aren’t the only dogs Obama enjoys. Before becoming the proud parent of his pet Bo, Obama admitted to eating dogs in Indonesia with his stepfather Lolo Soetoro. Obama dropped the bombshell in Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance, his 1995 memoir. According to Obama, Soetoro explained that “man took on the powers of whatever he ate.” The future president must have been excited to start sniffing butts and marking his territory.
Joe Biden
If there’s one dog that deserves to be put down, it’s Commander Biden. The German Shepherd has been terrorizing the president’s Secret Service agents since 2021. Before being banished from the White House last fall, there were twenty-four biting episodes between October 2022 and July 2023. The Secret Service has previously revealed that eleven agents had been bitten by the dog. And don’t forget: Commander was a replacement for Major, who also was exiled after several biting incidents. Someone needs to call Kristi Noem ASAP.
Mitt Romney
Cricket’s murder is the best thing to happen to Mitt Romney. The Utah senator has been using the news to rewrite history about the mistreatment of his own dog, Seamus. “I didn’t eat my dog. I didn’t shoot my dog. I loved my dog, and my dog loved me,” Romney said on Tuesday. During a cross-continental road trip from Boston to Ontario in 1983, Romney attached Seamus, in his kennel, to the top of the family station wagon. The drive literally scared the crap out of Seamus, who suffered a diarrhea attack. What’s worse? A quick, painless death or subjecting your dog to twelve hours of torture?
Frederick Douglass Moorefield
Somehow, it’s the most serious stories that get the least coverage. Last year, a senior Pentagon official was accused of running a Maryland-based dogfighting ring. Moorefield, a senior Pentagon Official who named his dog fighting organization “Geehad Kennel,” was charged with buying, selling, delivering, possessing, training and transporting dogs for fights. Those who lost were electrocuted with jumper cables — savagery that puts Noem to shame. He’s the Michael Vick of the DoD!
Lyndon B. Johnson
LBJ is the godfather of pooch problems, although his cruelty pales in comparison to today’s standards. In 1964, Johnson infamously pulled his beagles, Him and Her, by the ears in front of a group of businessmen to make them yelp. The moment was captured by Life, causing a torrent of political cartoons and even a statement from the Humane Society. Johnson pulled the stunt again just a few weeks later, telling reporters that his dogs loved the treatment and “any resultant yelps were yelps of joy.”
