BIRTHDAY: Don Lemon is now twenty years past his prime

Don Lemon, CNN’s star anchor, turns fifty-seven years old today.

When he declared on air that fifty-one-year-old Nikki Haley “isn’t in her prime,” Lemon told his cohosts Poppy Harlow and Kaitlan Collins to “look it up” on Google. Cockburn did and learned that a man is in his physical prime in his early-mid-twenties and reaches “full maturity” at age… forty. It seems the ripening Lemon is well-beyond its shelf life and into shriveling mode.

More googling for the sake of Don Lemon’s notorious sensitivity concerning his age led Cockburn to a Men’s Health story reporting that thirty-seven is “the actual middle age of men in America today.” So Don Lemon is now seventeen years past full maturity and twenty years past middle age.

Still, when he issued his “sexist and ageist remarks against Nikki Haley,” as NPR put it, Lemon said “it depends” what being in one’s prime means. If being in one’s prime means being physically healthy, Lemon injured his back while performing a hop on CNN This Morning last week. But if being in one’s prime involves learning new things, then Don Lemon is no old dog; following his on-air gaffe, he is undergoing “formal training” after twenty years on the job.

Cockburn wishes Don Lemon the happiest of fifty-seventh birthdays! He also reminds readers: when life gives you Don Lemons, combine them with Cointreau and cognac to make a Sidecar. Even if you’re not allowed to drink on New Year’s Eve anymore…