Is it Democrat divorce season?

Source: Trump appointee struggles for coherence before TV hit

Which top Trump pick caused concern — bordering on panic — at a major news network this week, by turning up in a daze, slurring their words so heavily employees couldn’t understand them? The appointee claimed to have slipped on the ice and was moving “like a cripple” around the studio and spilling food, a source tells Cockburn. “To me,” the tipster says, the pick “seemed addled on pain meds. Could barely stand.” Cockburn of course wishes nothing but the finest health to the incoming administration — they need to stay safe if they’re serious about taking on the Big Pharma cartel!

Un-handy Andy

Given the cast of characters on the Hill, it’s not easy to earn the moniker of “most attention-seeking member of Congress of the week.” Just think, you’ve got to contend with Nancy Mace storming in and out of bathrooms with her camera crew and AOC “spilling the tea” to Cockburn’s nieces and millions of others on Instagram Live.

Step forward Tennessee congressman Andy Ogles, who has been dogged with questions of résumé inflation and of questionable campaign finances since the day he took office. He is staking his claim to be this administration’s pick-me politician — by proposing a constitutional amendment that would allow Trump to serve a third term.

The Ogles Amendment, which obviously will never become law, would allow for a third term for presidents whose first two terms were served non-consecutively: a backdoor to keep Bill Clinton, George Bush and Barack Obama out of the White House. More saliently, the bill is a gesture that makes Ogles seem as Trump-friendly as possible, in case he faces another competitive primary.

What’s more, the amendment has already drawn a deluge of news coverage nationally and internationally, as the press pack pounce on another opportunity to call Trump an authoritarian. Congratulations, Congressman Ogles.

Is it Democrat divorce season?

Trouble in Democratic paradise? Rumors are circulating about a potential split between Barack and Michelle Obama — while the woman who wanted to be his political heir, Kamala Harris, is reportedly having marital trouble of her own.

A number of people noticed the pattern of Michelle not attending public ceremonies with Barack this month, including the funeral of former president Jimmy Carter and the Trump inauguration on Monday. The speculation was that she may have been avoiding being seen with her husband, but to Cockburn it seems as likely she was only avoiding one Donald Trump.

In an attempt to dispel those rumors, Barack shared a birthday post on X last week for the former first lady in which he referred to her as the love of his life. (The picture is, Cockburn has to admit, significantly more flattering of Barack than Michelle.) She nonetheless reposted it saying, “Love you, Honey!”

Yet in the days since, the chatter has continued as users on X bandy about claims that Barack is in fact dating Friends actress Jennifer Aniston. Former Steelers wide-receiver Antonio Brown shared an AI-generated image of the pair embracing on a sunlit beach. Cute!

The buzz about Harris and Emhoff may hold more water. Weeks before the 2024 election, the Daily Mail reported that Emhoff had assaulted his ex-girlfriend in 2012. Although Emhoff denied those allegations, he did concede to CNN that he did have an affair with his daughter’s nanny during his first marriage, which the tabloid had reported earlier in the summer.

“Frankly, he looked like a hypocritical ass after the bombshells that he had got his child’s nanny pregnant while married to his first wife and assaulted his ex-girlfriend on the heels of his ‘I am woman’ crusade,’” a source told the Mail this week. Out of office and back on the market?

That’s the spirit

Devastating news for cheapskates hoping to make a snowbird escape from BWI on a budget: Spirit Airlines is implementing a new dress code. “Passengers are prohibited from wearing see-through outfits, exposing private parts, or displaying lewd, obscene, or offensive body art,” according to the International Business Times. The policy change follows a viral incident last fall when two crop top-clad women were removed from a Spirit flight — and went on to accuse the airline of sexism. 

“It’s humiliating to be treated like a criminal just for wearing crop tops,” one told the Mail at the time.

The change comes just days into President Trump’s second reign — and is surely a harbinger of the kind of Project 2025 sharia law America can expect in the new regime. What if JetBlue, Frontier and Southwest follow suit? Cockburn is nervous about the direction of travel…