Donald Trump, king of comedy?

In spooky season, it’s only appropriate that the “joy” has been drawn out of the Harris campaign like a demon facing an exorcist. It may have found a new host in her opponent: former president Donald Trump brought down the house at the Al Smith dinner for Catholic charities in New York City last night, which Kamala opted to skip. Trump has also faced criticism this week for canceling events and dodging interviews with CNBC and the Shade Room.

His remarks are worth watching in their entirety (you can do so below), but here are some choice one-liners. Clearly Trump has benefited from keeping the company of comedians Andrew Schulz and Theo Von lately.

On Kamala: “Instead of attending tonight, she’s in Michigan receiving Communion from Gretchen Whitmer.”

On Biden: “Joe has almost disappeared from view, the only way he could be seen less is if he had a show on CNN.”

On Schumer: “Chuck Schumer is here, looking very glum… but look on the bright side, Chuck: considering how ‘woke’ your party has become, if Kamala loses you still have the chance to become the first woman president.”

On Harris supporters: “There’s a group called White Dudes for Harris, have you seen this? Are some of you here White Dudes to Harris? But I’m not worried about them at all, because their wives and their wives’ lovers are all voting for me.”

On Doug Emhoff: “A major issue in this race is childcare and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan. A lot of people don’t like it. The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event that she wins would be not to let her husband Doug anywhere near the nannies… just keep him away.”

On Tim Walz: “Unfortunately Governor Walz isn’t here himself, but don’t worry: he’ll say that he was… I used to think the Democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods, but then I met Tim Walz.”

On Eric Adams: “The mayor’s dietary restrictions are well known, but I’ve got to say I’ve never met a person who’s a vegan who liked Turkey so much.”

The night was hosted by Catholic comic Jim Gaffigan, who is currently playing Tim Walz on Saturday Night Live. His best lines were at the expense of the Democrats: “This event has been referred to as the Catholic Met Gala. Twenty-two percent of Americans identify as Catholic, Catholics will be a key demographic in every battleground state… I’m sorry — Why is Vice President Harris not here? I mean, consider this: this is a room full of Catholics and Jews in New York City. This is a lay-up for the Democratic nominee. I mean, in her defense, she did find time to appear on The View, Howard Stern, Colbert and the longtime staple of campaigning, the Call Her Daddy podcast.”

He also knocked the current president: “The media has begun discussing the phenomena of ‘secret Trump voters’ — people who publicly say they’d never vote for Trump, but then when they go in the voting booth, they do. It’s a small group. They’re called ‘the Biden family.’”

Harris, rather than attend, opted to send a pre-recorded video featuring Mollie Shannon: a perfect retort to the many complaints that she’s too scripted.

For anyone looking for further confirmation that Trump won the night, notice how a Harris campaign rapid response director chose to email journalists afterwards about how he “struggled to read scripted notes written by his handlers” — and how the Harris stenographers at Politico Playbook bleated that his remarks were “sharply partisan and mean-spirited” this morning. At least he turned up to deliver them in person!