Is Prince Harry America’s sweetheart?

Prince Harry is like a cat: apparently he has nine lives. Despite his three-year campaign to become the most privileged victim — after stepping down from the British royal family to focus on a “new charitable entity” and then signing multi-million dollar deals with streaming platforms, not to mention making the last years of his grandmother’s life a living nightmare — the people of America apparently still prefer the whining brat to his brother Prince William, the future king.

According to a new poll by YouGov, Prince Harry was liked by 48 percent of Americans, and disliked by 24 percent during the second quarter of 2023. This gives him a net approval rating of +24. Prince William meanwhile was liked by 43 percent and disliked by 21 percent over the same three-month period, giving him a net approval rating of +22.

The latest figures come after reports that Meghan and Harry told friends that they believe they have been “repeatedly unlucky” in launching their post-royal careers. Sources told the Daily Mail that the pair blame Covid, economic woes, the death of the Queen and the decline in Prince Philip’s health for the failure of their attempts to garner public sympathy and gain careers off the back of their bombshell decision to “Megxit” in January 2020. As far as Meghan and Harry are concerned, were it not for global financial strife and the cost-of-living crisis, us peasants would be scrambling to spend their hard-earned cash on the dribs and drabs of Meghan and Harry’s glorified therapy sessions. Cockburn would rather set his money on fire. 

Over the last year, a consensus started to form within the media that America was growing just as tired of Meghan and Harry as Britain had years ago. It was after the release of Harry’s memoir, Spare, in January that the tide first started to shift. The American public lost sympathy, the Hollywood circuit closed off from them and the Sussexes transformed from hot new trend to the hot potato of Hollywood. Celebrities didn’t want to invite them to parties or events, for fear of details being leaked to the press, and brands such as Spotify and Netflix distanced themselves from the couple. Spotify ended their partnership completely after signing a reported $150 million deal just three years ago… that resulted in around fifteen hours of content.

South Park offered a major blow to the couple’s US brand, when an episode featuring a couple with an uncanny similarity to Prince Harry and Meghan aired in February. In the episode, called “The Worldwide Privacy Tour,” the pair travel around the world with placards stating “Stop looking at us!” while chanting “We want privacy!” Harry’s book, Spare, is parodied as “Waaaagh.” Alongside that blow, comedian Chris Rock called out the Sussexes in his “Selective Outrage” special. Referring to Meghan’s racism claims, Rock said, “Some of that shit she went through was not racism but in-law behavior.” When talking about how Meghan was shocked to be the victim of racism, he said, “It’s the royal family! They’re the original racists. They invented colonialism.”

While the media are sure that the Americans have teamed up with the British against Meghan and Harry, the polling tells a different story. Cockburn isn’t sure why this is: after all, the American people value hard work and resilience, two things that Whinge and Ginge do not possess in spades. Maybe there is a baseline level of respect for Harry blowing up his whole life for some crazy chick, like any other reality TV star — or maybe nobody can trust a bald king-in-waiting.