Democrats and Republicans agree… on wasting taxpayer dollars

Who says Democrats and Republicans can’t find common ground?

According to the Senate’s recent approval of the $1.7 trillion omnibus bill, bipartisanship is still possible after all. There’s just something about dumping debt on the American people that brings both sides of the Swamp together. Chalk it up to holiday magic.

The bill passed the Senate by a vote of 68-29 and was met with a round of applause from antsy lawmakers determined to get out of DC before the incoming storm.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer heaped praise on soon-to-be retiring Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont for his work on the bill.

“What a capstone to a brilliant career,” he gushed.

Leahy worked closely on the bill with another senator who is heading out the door — Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama.

Coincidentally both of these men are mentioned in their swansong legislation. An FBI building in Alabama will be renamed after Shelby, whereas the Lake Champlain Basin Program and an existing school lunch program will be renamed after Leahy.

Rest assured though: renaming a few buildings or lunch programs is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this 4,000+ page pork-filled monstrosity.

So what other programs and earmarks brought about this rare camaraderie between the left and right?

Well, it would appear that sending $44 billion to Ukraine (which would bring America’s Ukraine aid to $100 billion) was not a point of contention for the lawmakers.

On Tuesday, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell informed reporters that, “Providing assistance for Ukrainians to defeat the Russians is the number one priority for the United States right now according to most Republicans.”

I am well aware that McConnell probably doesn’t mingle with any non-Swamp humans at this point in his almost forty-year senatorial career. Even so, does he also not read exit polls? Inflation, not Ukraine, was top of mind for “most Republicans” in the midterms.

McConnell also gave himself a pat on the back over the bill, telling reporters, “I’m pretty proud of the fact that with a Democratic president, a Democratic House and Democratic Senate, we were able to achieve, through this omnibus spending bill, essentially all of our priorities.”

If this bill includes “essentially all of the GOP’s priorities,” then we most certainly have some serious reprioritizing to do.

One priority that Republican voters feel passionately about is securing the southern border. The omnibus bill allocates $1.56 billion to Customs and Border Protection, but specifies that none of the funds be used to “acquire, maintain or extend border security technology and capabilities, except for technology and capabilities to improve Border Patrol processing.”

In essence, no money can be spent on securing a border that keeps people out, but money can be spent on processing that gets people in (faster!).

Meanwhile, the bill also allocates $410 million to Jordan, Lebanon, Egypt, Tunisia and Oman for “enhanced border security.”

I wonder if the $410 million given to border patrol officials in the Middle and Near East will also be tied up with harebrained restrictions? Or is that an obstacle we only like to throw at the men and women trying to protect our border?

Other priorities Mitch can brag about over Christmas in Kentucky include $65 million for the Pacific coastal salmon recovery, $3 million for bee-friendly highways and $3.6 million for the Michelle Obama Trail in Georgia.

Oh and how could I forget one of the greatest accomplishments of all?

“Funds appropriated to the Internal Revenue Service in this Act may be used to provide passenger carrier transportation and protection between the commissioner of Internal Revenue’s residence and place of employment.”

Translation? A chauffeur for the IRS commissioner! That one must be a real point of pride for the Senate Republicans. They are always looking out for the little guy.

The only thing that McConnell is doing well as the Senate Minority Leader is making Representative Kevin McCarthy look less awful in comparison. To be fair, that is no small feat.

McCarthy, who is desperately trying to save face with the Republican base, is slamming Republican senators and the bill at every opportunity. In the end, this boondoggle might bode well for McCarthy’s speakership aspirations. After all, sometimes you don’t need to impress the boss in order to stay off the chopping block. You just need one person in the office to suck at their job more than you. For Kevin McCarthy, that saving grace might just be Cocaine Mitch.

But McConnell is doing conservative voters a favor too. He is reminding Americans that politicians can reach across the aisle if the situation calls for it. That’s if the situation involves wasting trillions of our tax dollars and putting America last, then the grandstanders in DC can suddenly all play nice.

Maybe they can all gather around the 4,000 page pork barrel, join hands and sing “fahoo fores dahoo dores!” After all, this kind of compromise is a Christmas miracle.