No one will care about the Hunter Biden N-word scandal

Newly published text messages from Hunter Biden reveal that Hunter Biden…is an American with actual freedom of speech! How lucky for him! He might be the last one.

The Daily Mail, one of the last publications willing to publish interesting things about Democratic US presidents, has published several unflattering messages between Biden and his lawyer George Messires. In the messages, Biden says a bunch of things that would be a big story if he were literally anybody other than the son of a Democratic president:

Mesires: ‘My parents love was conditioned.’

Hunter: ‘My penis as of late has been un conditional.’

Mesires: ‘That’s why we are searching.’

Hunter: ‘For my penis.’

Mesires: ‘And we will always be searching.’

Hunter: ‘Its big penis George. They always find it. And I only love you because you’re black.’

Mesires: ‘It’s so annoying when you interject with frivolity.’

Hunter: ‘True dat nigga. But I’m done my rant.’

Along with his naughty words, Hunter also describes the God his father believes in as ‘a fictional character from the imagination of the collective frightened’. The exchange also suggests that Hunter may have accidentally sent George a sext, attempting to reach a woman named Georgia.

This would all be very, very bad for Hunter and his parents, if he were a local TV anchor or a cake-shop owner or a middle schooler or something. If he were any of those things then this story might conceivably consume the national news cycle for at least a day.

Fear not, though. Hunter Biden will be fine. His story will be restricted to the pages of the Mail and a few conservative-ish outlets. To his immense good fortune, he’s merely the son of a US president who has inexplicably piled up one lucrative opportunity after another despite being a druggie and all-around screwup. Nobody at CNN finds his story interesting.

Now, if Hunter were someone really powerful and important, like an anonymous high-schooler dreaming of cheerleading at the University of Tennessee, then this story would be important. Then, he might get a 2,500-word essay in the New York Times about him and the psychopathic classmate who doxxed him for a two-year-old video.

Or imagine if Hunter Biden was a graphic designer who dressed up as Megyn Kelly for a Halloween party two years ago. If he was, then it would definitely be worth a 3,000-word Washington Post investigation into his life. But fortunately, Biden’s only employment seems to be on the boards of shady foreign companies, so there’s nothing to look at here. Come on, the Post’s motto is ‘Democracy Dies in Darkness’. If they want something to stay dark, then ipso facto it has nothing to do with democracy.

No, the American press has taken the firm position that chronicling the mistakes and misadventures of presidential children is beyond the pale of justice and good taste. In other words, the adult son of a president is far different from the teenage daughter of a Minneapolis hummus producer. Any tweets made by her are fair game for a national lynch mob. And it’s totally fair to force her father to fire her, issue a statement denouncing them and then ruin the his business anyway.

And Hunter is certainly far less newsworthy than a random white woman at a Kendrick Lamar concert, who was brought onstage, encouraged her to sing along, and then berated by Lamar for singing the lyrics that he wrote.

No, in contrast to all those people, Hunter Biden is the actual embodiment of unearned privilege in America. And nobody loves giving a double standard to the actually powerful more than the American press.