When Donald met Zohran

“I’ll tell you,” the President was saying. “The press has eaten this thing up. I had a lot of meetings with world leaders, and the press didn’t care. The biggest people in the world come over and nobody cares. This one, they care about.”  

President Trump sat at the Resolute Desk, wearing a red tie. Standing next to him was the Boy Wonder, Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani of New York City, wearing a blue tie. Their hour-long meeting at the White House had just concluded. In recent weeks, Mamdani had called Trump a fascist. Trump had called Mamdani a communist and a “lunatic.”  Anyone expecting acrimony or fireworks, though, would have been disappointed by this joint press appearance. Cats and dogs, living together. The Donald and the Zohran, it seems, can be friends.  

“The better he does, the happier I am,” Trump said. “There’s no difference in party. Congratulations Mr. Mayor.”  

Mamdani was equally gracious, if somewhat slicker in presentation. 

“I appreciated the meeting with the President, based on a shared admiration and love for New York City,” he said. “We spoke about rent, we spoke about groceries, we spoke about utilities. I appreciated the time.” 

One of ten Mamdani voters voted for Trump, which was enough to melt the ice. Trump said that what surprised him the most was how much he and Mamdani had in common. They both want safer streets, both love New York, and both think the cost of living is too high in New York. Also, they agree that the best solution is to build more housing. If you want to get close to Donald Trump’s heart, say that you have to build something. “People will actually be shocked,” Trump said. “I want to see the same thing.” 

“Would you feel comfortable living in New York under a Mamdani administration?” a reporter asked Trump.  

“Yeah, I would, I really would,” Trump said. “Especially after the meeting. I think he’s different, and that could be in a very positive way. He has a chance to do something great for New York. He came out of nowhere. I watched, I said, ‘Who is this guy?’ It’s a great tribute. It’s an amazing thing he did. By the way, being the mayor of New York City is a big deal. I always said that I wanted to be the mayor of New York City… and I think he’ll do a great job.” 

But, said a reporter, looking for controversy, is he a communist?  

“I met with a man who’s a very rational person. I met with a man who really wants to see New York be great again. I’ll be cheering for him.” 

Mamdani also didn’t take any bait, bringing any question back to his stated campaign goals of making New York affordable for working people. But, the reporters kept asking him, is Trump a despot, like you’ve said? Trump, who at this point is an Old Master on dealing with the media, took point and said: 

“I’ve been called much worse than a despot, so it’s not that insulting. I think he’ll chance his mind once we start to work together.” 

“How about a fascist?” they asked. Is Trump a fascist?  

Mamdani hemmed and hawed a little bit, not wanting to get into trouble. But his new friend, Donald Trump, the President of the United States, came to his rescue.  

“That’s OK,” Trump said. “You can just say it. It’s easier than explaining what you actually mean.”