The Tucker Carlson & Ted Cruz roast

Tucker Carlson teased an upcoming podcast with Senator Ted Cruz Tuesday night by posting a short, fiery clip from the two-hour interview. The clip spotlights Cruz’s alleged ignorance of basic information about Iran.

But, after Cockburn watched the much anticipated episode, he is sad to say that the grown men’s yelling competition featured in the teaser turned out to be a faithful representation of the podcast as a whole.

Here are Cruz and Carlson’s zestiest and best delivered zingers:

When discussing the Iran-backed assassination attempt of the former secretary of state Brian Hook, Cruz said, “Killing terrorists is a good thing. Killing people who are trying to murder Americans is a good thing, because if you’re America first, you want to protect America – and killing Osama bin Laden was a fantastic day for the world.”

Carlson interrupted, “But you don’t really believe they’re trying to murder Trump or you would be–” then Cruz interrupted emphatically, “Yes I do. Yes I do.” 

“Then why aren’t you calling for military action against Tehran right now?” Carlson asked. Cruz replied. “Because they’re not very effective. Their hitmen– in terms of their hitmen, they’re not very effective.”

Carlson interrupted again, “Oh, so they’re hitmen, but not the bad kind. The efficient kind? What are you saying?” Carlson stared at Cruz, and then Cruz sighed and said, “Be a little less snarky.” Then Carlson responded, “I know. You’re right. That is a problem that I have; I’m sorry.”

Next: Carlson was claiming repeatedly that Cruz thought he was an antisemite. At one point, seemingly in exasperation, Cruz said, “I’ll answer any question you’d like,” and Carlson responded, “Are you gonna call me an antisemite again or no?”

An honorable mention goes out to Carlson’s defensive and somewhat abrupt ending to the episode. “I’m an antisemite, I’m an isolationist, a moral relativist,” he said, raising his hands and laughing uncomfortably. “No, I’m not.” The former Fox host then took a moment to thank Cruz for coming on and expressed a love for his country.

In one rare moment when Carlson let Cruz speak uninterrupted for more than a minute, the Texas Senator described the two perceived foreign policy factions in the GOP. First, there are “The Interventionists,” which include John McCain, Lindsay Graham and George W Bush. Per the name, these people are keen on intervening in foreign affairs and acting as world policemen. Cruz labeled the second group as “The Isolationists” and said key players in this group include Ron Paul and his son Rand Paul. This second group is opposed to the US meddling with and entering wars, pretty much of any kind.

But Cruz’s said his own political ideology does not fit perfectly with either of these groups, and neither does Trump’s. To Cruz, “the central touchpoint for US foreign policy and any question of military intervention should be the vital national security interest of the United States,” he said. He went on to explain that Congress and other elected officials should be asking questions like, “How does this (intervention) make America safer?”

But nuance was not the aim of the game. After Carlson posted the teaser clip, Cruz wrote on X, “Did a long interview w/ Tucker. He released a snippet playing a ‘gotcha’ on the population of Iran. I declined to play that silly game. WATCH the full 2-hr interview, where Tucker ATTACKS Trump, attacks the ‘AIPAC lobby,’ & falsely claims Iran is NOT trying to assassinate Trump.” It seems the games never end…