Trump brothers go mining

After a day where the very alive President Trump bombed a Venezuelan drugs boat, moved Space Force headquarters out of Colorado because that state has mail-in voting, declared he was sending federal troops into Chicago and claimed that AI generated a video of someone throwing a plastic bag of construction debris out of the window of the White House, it became clear that the real action was going on outside the White House walls, with Trump’s very rich sons.

As Cockburn reported yesterday in The Spectator, the Trump Brothers, Don Jr, Eric, and the true genius behind the operations, Barron, had somehow amassed $5 billion in paper wealth thanks to savvy investments, based in no way on shady insider information, in WLFI, the family’s nascent cryptocurrency venture. But not content with breaking the crypto bank, the Trump Brothers are set to become the bank itself. On Wednesday, American Bitcoin, a Trump-run mining and accumulation business, listed on the NASDAQ. Eric and Don. Jr., along with shareholders, own 98 percent of American bitcoin, which has amassed nearly 2500 of the coins. That’s upwards of $250 million in value right there.

“We’ve become the obvious name in crypto,” Eric Trump told The Wall Street Journal. “American Bitcoin is going to be the greatest treasury company ever built.”

The Trump Family is cornering the Bitcoin market. They insist this is in no way a conflict of interest even though Donald Trump is the most powerful man in the world. It’s causing the heads of middle-class “ethics watchdogs” to explode, even as the Trump Brothers splash around in a vault of virtual money like a couple of slick-haired, bearded Scrooge McDucks.
The investing and memecoining is one thing, but this American Bitcoin play brings the flex to a whole new level. More than 90 percent of the possibly available Bitcoins already exist. That means that miners are looking to algorithmically strike it rich in an increasingly narrow lode. After prospectors have been grinding it of their knapsacks for decades, in come these archetypal city slickers with their deep pockets, determined to blow up entire mountains.

Cockburn doesn’t think Bitcoin was ever cool, exactly, but it represented an alternative to a sclerotic, elitist financial system to which government stopgaps and deeply-entrenched interest barred entry. It harnessed technology to create new wealth, and a new generation of barons (not Barrons), the biggest revolution in global finance since the Spindletop oil gusher burst out of the ground in Beaumont, Texas in 1901.

Now here come the Trumps, flush with Winklevii money, toting their rifles, fur coats draped across their shoulders, bursting into the Bitcoin saloon and demanding the finest whiskey. It’s brazen, it’s annoying and it’s doomed to succeed. They’re like the Roy brothers from Succession, only not tragic. The Trump boys will be sitting on their piles of digital cash, trying to figure out which one daddy loves best, while the rest of us are down here balancing our checkbooks, trying to figure out how to prevent AI from taking our jobs. Happy listing day to them.