Taylor and Travis save America

Elon Musk and Taylor Swift fans rejoice! America’s birthrate is saved!

News of the engagement between America’s reigning sweetheart, Taylor Swift, and jock, Travis Kelce, can mean only one thing: a millennial marriage boom is upon us. And with it, natalists will hope, an impending baby boom.

I’m no Swiftie. Nor am I one of those men who’s organized his entire political identity around hating the singer. Still, I can’t deny that I feel uplifted by the jubilee erupting across the nation this afternoon. Why? Because Taylor and Travis are taking a stand against pessimism. America’s permanently heartbroken oldest daughter has escaped her fate (for now). These are people taking the leap! Committing to something! How exciting is that?

Talking about the birthrate is so passé. Cringe, even. I have no desire to weigh in (and wouldn’t be, had my editor not twisted my arm into writing this piece), even as I acknowledge that it poses a serious problem for the nation’s future. So too does the hesitancy toward marriage and even dating among the young. But any Millennial or Zoomer forced to brave the dating market in recent years knows the battle of the sexes has gone nuclear. An overriding pessimism about the value of relationships, with all their potential for pain and suffering, has metastasized; in heterosexual relationships, a casual two-way hatred of the other sex has also become disturbingly commonplace.

Enter Travis and Taylor. Their engagement post, which at the time of writing has racked up some 10 million likes, is surprisingly suburban. It looks like an engagement backdrop I’ve scrolled past a thousand times. There is little extravagance in it (excluding the boulder of a diamond). But they’re making a marriage proposal – a daunting prospect – appear attainable, and more than that, mundane. There’s something lovely about that everydayness that shouldn’t be lost on the billions of people who see it.

Commentators will quickly point out that this engagement is timed eerily close to the announcement of Taylor’s new album, The Life of a Showgirl. Maybe this is all stage-managed opportunism, then. Probably. But everything our celebrity class does is stage-managed opportunism, and this example is at least subversive for how surprising and against-the-current it is. The underlying message: take a chance. Ask her out – if not on your family sports podcast, then at least at the bar. Certainly this is less damaging to the national psyche than, say, the public dissolution of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s union.

Conservatives will quickly claim the Tayvis union as a win for their political camp. But Taylor mastered the art of vague messaging long ago, and as is often the case, there’s something for everyone. With the announcement, Taylor seems to be telling her fans that you can have it all – the marriage and the career (not exactly a New Right talking point). Anyone with an internet connection, which is to say everyone, will recall that she was most recently in the news for the announcement of Life of a Showgirl, on the cover of which she appeared very scantily clad. Contrast this with the image of her today in a walled-off garden wearing a modest dress. You can be a showgirl and a happy fiancée, she seems to be saying. Is this tenable? Will it end in heartbreak? Who knows. But it’s a nice thought.  

Kelce, whom I suspect can’t read, is certainly marrying up. He’s no slouch, of course. NFL-loving men across the country have had their hearts repeatedly broken by the future Hall of Famer and the Kansas City Chiefs on too many Sundays in recent years. But his fiancée is the biggest star in the world. Perhaps there are valuable lessons here for both sides in the battle of the sexes. Women: take a chance on the idiots. Men: don’t be so afraid of a go-getting woman.

In addition to celebrating the couple’s big win, we can quietly celebrate the knock-on wins coming our way. Travis, we can only hope, will be thoroughly distracted by the wedding planning. This should hinder his on-field performance, and America therefore may soon be released from the tyranny of the dominant, evil Kansas City Chiefs. Also, this country, allergic to monarchy, doesn’t have royals. So this union will be the closest thing to a royal wedding we have, and everyone loves a good wedding party. 

Maybe I’ll feel more pessimistic about all this later. It feels likely I will. But who wants to pooh-pooh a couple on their engagement day? Even our petty Gossiper in Chief has caught the cheeriness bug: “I wish them a lot of luck,” Donald Trump said during a Cabinet meeting, “I think he’s a great player. He’s a great guy. And I think she’s a terrific person.” 

For now, we owe Taylor and Travis a thank you. Optimism is back – at least for one day.