Scott Bessent, future UFC fighter?

Plans have begun on constructing the Octagon on the White House lawn for a UFC fight to commemorate what President Trump is now calling the “Super Centennial,” the US’s 250th birthday next year. And it looks like we might have an undercard ready to go involving the Treasury Secretary.

Last week, according to Politico, Scott Bessent got into it with top housing finance official Bill Pulte at a private dinner at Executive Branch, an “ultra-exclusive created by and for Trump world’s uberrich.” Cockburn didn’t receive an invite to this birthday party for podcaster Chamath Palihapitiya, even though he and Chamath go way back.

In any case, Bessent had apparently heard that Pulte was badmouthing him to Trump behind his back, and said, “Why the fuck are you talking to the President about me? Fuck you. I’m gonna punch you in your fucking face.”

Whoa whoa whoa, said club owner Omeed Malik, but Bessent insisted that Malik throw out Pulte on his rear.

“It’s either me or him,” Bessent said to Malik. “You tell me who’s getting the fuck out of here.”

“Or,” he added, “we could go outside.”

“To do what?” asked Pulte. “To talk?”

“No,” Bessent replied. “I’m going to fucking beat your ass.”

As it turned out, no billionaire or millionaire beat anyone else’s ass that night, and the “bonkers” and “unhinged” incident ended “without further incident.”

Cockburn has long been a consumer of American political history and enjoys most of all the stories of people beating each other with canes on the floor of the Senate. However, this takes Team of Rivals to a new level. Bessent has been pugilistic with his words in other recent moments as well, getting into it with Elon Musk in the White House over who should be the acting IRS commissioner.

The Treasury Secretary has clear alpha-male anger issues, which is why he belongs in the Octagon. Before Brock Lesnar or whoever takes to the canvas, let’s have Bessent fight a deputy undersecretary of something or other. He can get it out of his system and then get back to his regularly scheduled program of cryptocurrency shilling and tariff apologia.

Then again, maybe violence isn’t the solution to all our problems. President Trump made a big show today about rooting out “anti-religious propaganda” in schools and donating his family Bible to a Bible Museum. But the Bible doesn’t teach you to threaten to “fucking beat the ass” of political rivals. A Biblical ass is something for a pregnant virgin to ride on to the manger.

Does the Trump family Bible say anything about turning the other cheek or loving thy neighbor? “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” the Good Book says. Unless some bastard is talking about you behind your back to the President. Them’s fighting words.