Prince Harry is surrounded by victims

In a shocking twist after the last three years of Prince Harry’s perpetual victimhood tour, last night in a live therapy session the prince finally admitted what we’ve known all along: that he isn’t one.

Back on the stage for a live streamed Q&A with toxic trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté, Harry claimed, “I definitely don’t see myself as a victim.” You had to pay thirty bucks a head for the pleasure, but boy it was worth it to hear that.

Victim, no. Narcissist, maybe. Later in the interview Harry said that sharing his experiences of his terrible life in his bombshell memoir Spare “feels like an act of service.” I’m sure his late grandmother would have different views on what a lifetime of service actually entails. But credit where it’s due: the jig of Hapless Harry’s victimhood can finally be laid to bed.

Just kidding. Though Harry doesn’t “see himself as a victim,” that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want us to think he is one. The prince lamented about growing up in a “broken home,” adding that he shipped his family across the pond to break the “cycle of pain” that came with growing up in castles… conveniently ignoring that nearly half of marriages end in divorce and more people now grow up in “broken” homes than whole ones.

In fairness, he hardly stood a chance of putting his big-boy pants on with Dr. Maté. His on-stage companion was sympathetic enough to ensure that Harry fermented in his own misery. He was reminded of his trauma at every turn and diagnosed with four disorders, adding a new one to the list, Attention Deficit Disorder — which left even the prince bemused.

It’s quite easy to see how Harry ended up in this cycle of victimhood. His on-call team of therapists are there solely to stroke the prince’s ego. The last three years have been spent talking in therapese, with too much “but how did that make you feel?” and not enough conversation about the consequences of his own actions. His wife, the most prolific victim on earth, has found more ways to be persecuted than I’ve had cooked dinners. Meghan stepped out of line? Nope, it’s a press narrative concocted because of her skin color, gender, eye color, hair color, religion, age or weight. Pick one.

Maybe California does that to people, but since Harry met Meghan it’s impossible to ignore how fundamentally he has changed. The fun, naughty prince that the world had a soft spot for has been replaced by somebody so gloomy you wouldn’t even want him at your birthday party. The pair have been notably missing from A-list events recently and it’s not hard to see why. Could you imagine being sat next to someone who spends their days doing nothing but tending to their chickens and unpacking their trauma?

I think it’s time that Harry got some new friends. I’m all for being more in touch with your feelings, and understand that the days of toxic masculinity and “manning up” are long gone — but Harry is proof that spending your days surrounded by people that validate your victimhood doesn’t do you so well either.