Parched at the Trump rally

Cockburn was in Waco, Texas, this weekend, covering the first official rally of Trump’s 2024 presidential campaign. He nearly passed out from both physical and political exhaustion.

Despite using his press pass to bypass the line, Cockburn’s populist streak led him to refrain from joining the other hacks ensconced on the press dais. After having his vape confiscated by the TSA, he chose instead to meander through the crowd of cranky boomers murmuring about the lack of water amid the sweltering Texas heat, which approached ninety degrees on the tarmac of the Waco Regional Airport.

Cockburn could relate. Liquids were not allowed into the event, so he spent his first two hours at the rally light-headed, waiting in lines that extended interminably from the nine food trucks assembled on the asphaltic lagoon. Three of the trucks had no water to begin with; a fourth then ran out. Cockburn had the misfortune of wasting his time lined up at one of the three that never had water, as well as the one that ran out.

After a nearly forty-five minute wait, Cockburn secured four precious bottles. While making his way toward the front of the rally, a man spied his press pass lanyard and asked if he had special access to water. The man offered $20 to rehydrate his desiccated wife, but Cockburn was desperately parched and had to decline.

Despite feeling mildly guilty when one of his more generous friends gave up a bottle free of charge, thirsty Cockburn had no regrets: he was languishing.

Cockburn chugged his four waters in quick succession. Then, surprisingly, he headed for the portapotties, which were delicately labeled “Honey Buckets.” A gentleman in line behind Cockburn told him he spent hours getting into the event and couldn’t understand why the City of Waco had not provided water for the rally.

While waiting, Cockburn glimpsed law enforcement personnel rushing a wheelchair from a nearby hangar, presumably to assist a Trump supporter who succumbed to the heat. He later overheard them telling a reporter that they had assisted at least “a couple dozen” people and that the water situation had been “severely underestimated.”

A continual breeze mercifully swept the tarmac, without which Cockburn worries those in attendance might have incited an insurrection.

The crowd came back to life as Trump Force One theatrically lapped the airport to the theme of Kenny Loggins’s “Danger Zone,” though by that time Cockburn was already tired, sunburned, sore and ready to go home.

As the former president emerged from his aircraft to open his first rally by rehashing January 6, relitigating the 2020 election and pretending he hadn’t already had four years to fix things, Cockburn strained to recapture the level of vigor he felt when Trump first ran in 2015 and Trump-labeled water bottles were plentiful.

Those around him were undeniably excited, though Cockburn felt fatigued again as he found his mind wandering and his fingers forgetfully fumbling his pockets in vain search of his stolen vape.

As he decided to join the steady stream of many others who were leaving early, a weary Cockburn noticed a truck packed with water bottles pulling up just a bit too late. If DeSantis runs and hopes to gain the edge over his likely opponent, his campaign managers would do well to remember that the pomp and glory of politics wither when your supporters are thirsty.