New Year’s resolutions for the political class

If you think politics was insufferable in 2021, just wait until the New Year.

The midterms are around the corner, so before the incessant campaign ads begin, I’d like to suggest a few New Year’s resolutions for our political class.

Let’s start at the top with the president of the United States, Joe Biden.

Perhaps Joe, who as usual is on vacation in Delaware, could begin 2022 off by firing his speechwriters. I have long suspected that saboteurs lurk in the White House. Who in his right mind would put the word “Galapagos” into a Biden speech? There is a double agent in the Biden-Harris administration who is trying to trip up the 79-year-old — so whoever it is needs to hear two of the last president’s favorite words: “You’re fired.”

Of course, one rogue speechwriter is not responsible for the gaffe-a-palooza we witnessed in 2021. Which is why the president also needs to swear off numbers in the New Year. Whether he is talking millions or “billions with a b” or those pesky “trillionaires” not paying their fair share, Joe never nails the correct figure on the first try (sometimes not even on the second or third).

But resolutions need not be all about giving things up. The media’s favorite president could also focus on trying something new. Perhaps he can branch out of his chocolate chocolate chip ice cream rut and mix it up a bit. Maybe he can try a scoop of pistachio or black raspberry?

Now on to the real president of the United States, Dr. Anthony Fauci.

America’s highest-paid federal employee is everywhere. He is on CNN, MSNBC, podcasts, documentaries, votive candles, socks, pillows, etc. ABC’s Jonathan Karl recently dubbed Fauci one of the “hardest working” people in showbiz — I mean, “in the nation.”

He’s the new James Brown — with one difference. James Brown didn’t want to frighten people; he just wanted to entertain them.

If Fauci’s hard work over the past two years has led us to our present plight — the US just hit a record number of new Covid-19 cases — perhaps the good doctor should take some time off in 2022. If things are this bad when he is on the clock, surely they have to improve when he is Out Of Office, or at least taking a few three-day weekends and early slides.

While we are on the subject of octogenarians drunk on power, it might be time for Speaker Pelosi to finally hang it up as well.

Pelosi and her husband have amassed a nine-figure fortune during her time as a “public servant.” Which means she can more than comfortably retire and leave the hellhole that San Francisco has become. There is no reason for her to stay there if she isn’t even going to pretend to represent her constituents.

Democrat leaders aren’t the only politicians who could use some tips heading into 2022.

Across the aisle, Donald Trump might curb his habit of sending out vicious emails after public figures pass away. Obviously the “if you don’t have anything nice to say” rule has never been Trump’s style, but still, speaking ill of the dead is a terrible look. Plus, so many inept politicians are still alive and kicking — kicking us, mostly. 45 should focus his attention — and emails — on these reprobates.

Speaking of being nicer in the New Year, perhaps Vice President Kamala Harris should try to be a bit sweeter to her staffers. Either that or she can have Senator Amy Klobuchar sub in for her for a few days. That ought to remind her underlings that she isn’t that bad of a boss.

If Harris decides to turn over a new leaf, she should also consider cutting ties with the toxic personalities in her circle. It is important to surround oneself with people who have your best interests at heart. That being said, the vice president might also benefit from severing ties with Joe Biden. She’s a hot mess, no doubt about it, but it’s obvious Biden is setting her up to fail. She should start refusing his mission impossibles.

Lastly, I have some advice for the federal prison guards watching recently convicted Ghislaine Maxwell. Remember that the words “suicide watch” do not mean that you should watch someone commit suicide.

Happy New Year!