Who left their cocaine at the White House?

After party at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? The New York Post reported Tuesday morning that a substance found in the White House’s West Wing this weekend tested positive for cocaine. Cockburn, who won’t complain about this massive win for federal drug legalization, only wants to know who would leave such an expensive substance at the White House. It’s a total mystery.

Secret service agents found the white powder during a routine round of the White House on Sunday evening while President Biden and his family were away at Camp David. The complex was evacuated at 8:45 p.m. as fire and emergency crews were brought in to investigate the substance. 

“We have a yellow bar stating cocaine hydrochloride,” a DC firefighter stated in a radio communication at 8:49 p.m. Sunday. “Bag it up and take it out.” 

The dispatch call stated that the substance was found in the White House library. Anthony Guglielmi, a spokesman for the Secret Service, told the Washington Post that the purported cocaine was found in a work area of the West Wing accessible to staff and guests, not in any particular office. A senior law enforcement official later specified the substance was found “in a storage facility in a cubby routinely used by White House staff and guests to store cell phones.” 

The cryptic information from the White House hasn’t helped Cockburn whittle down his list of possible culprits. The only events held at the White House last week were press briefings, and while he wouldn’t put it past those jumped-up journos to self-medicate after the Supreme Court’s decisions, there is no evidence connecting any one person to the discovery at present. But who could possibly smuggle a Schedule II narcotic into the White House past K-9 units or pass security clearance dependent on being clean? 

Cockburn can’t help wonder whether maybe — perhaps — it could be Hunter Biden who brought the cocaine into the White House. According to Newsweek, the younger Biden was seen at the White House on Friday before leaving for Camp David. There is no material evidence to peg Hunter but when you have a prolific history of illicit drug use, a few fingers may start to point.