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Cockburn looked on at what he at first took to be a run-of-the-mill sports bar fight at 4:30 in the afternoon — only to realize it was Oklahoma senator Markwayne Mullin throwing down with Teamsters president Sean O’Brien in the hallowed halls of Congress.
Mullin, a Republican, came in guns a’blazing to a Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee hearing, saying he is “not at all against unions,” before listing the reasons unions are bad.
The exchange between Mullin and O’Brien is painful to watch — and the transcript reads pretty much like what you’d expect to hear before a fistfight in a Chili’s parking lot. Cockburn has assembled, for your reading pleasure, a play-by-play highlight reel of the clash…
Mullin boasts of starting from “below nothing” to building a plumbing business with more than 300 employees.
Mullin relays how his company is better at pipefitting than the union guys and wins more jobs, so the union showed up at his house and leaned on his truck to intimidate him into unionizing.
Mullin: “I’m not afraid of a physical confrontation, in fact sometimes I look forward to it.”
Mullin asks O’Brien how much money he makes, then interrupts him to say he knows he made $193,000 in 2019, compared to a UPS feeder driver who makes $35,000 a year.
O’Brien: “That’s inaccurate.”
Mullin yells more.
O’Brien: “That’s inaccurate.”
Mullin yells more and points his finger.
Mullin insinuates that O’Brien brings nothing to the table to justify his salary.
O’Brien: “You’re outta line, man.”
Mullin (more aggressive finger-pointing): “Don’t tell me I’m outta line.”
O’Brien: “You are outta line.”
Mullin: “You need to shut your mouth because you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
O’Brien: “You’re going to tell me to shut my mouth?”
Mullin: “Yes, I did.”
O’Brien: “Oh, tough guy — ‘I’m not afraid of physical…’” (mockingly wags head).
Then, like all good bar fights (in Cockburn’s dreams), Bernie Sanders pounds his gavel and removes the Covid mask covering his throat, signifying serious business, and mediates, which solves everything.
O’Brien: (to Mullin) “I bet I work more hours than you do.”
Mullin: “That’s impossible.”
O’Brien: “I do.”
Mullin: “Sir, you don’t even know what hard work is. You wanna follow my schedule?”
O’Brien: “I’d do it in a minute.”
Mullin: “Sir, you haven’t created a job.”
O’Brien: “Sure we have.”
Mullin: “You haven’t.”
O’Brien: “Sure we have… We hold greedy CEOs like yourself accountable.”
Mullin: “You’re calling me a greedy CEO?”
O’Brien: “Oh yeah, you are! You want to attack my salary, I’ll attack yours.”
Mullin: “I kept my salary down at about $50,000 a year, because I invested every penny into [my business].”
O’Brien: “You mean you hid money?”
Mullin: “No I didn’t hide it. Oh! Hold on a sec…” (resumes finger-pointing) “[That’s] outta line.”
O’Brien: “We’re even.”
Mullin: “We’re not even. We’re not even close to being even. You think you’re smart? You think you’re funny? You’re not.”
O’Brien: “No. You think you’re funny. You framed your opening statement saying you’re a tough guy.”
Mullin then makes a couple of substantive points about Right to Work and private ballots — and Cockburn orders a Gallon Mar-Go-Rita™ to celebrate International Women’s Day (shame of it all).
