Florida’s ‘Alligator Alcatraz’

The Trump administration’s dream of reopening Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay appears to have stalled. But more than 3,000 miles away, the state of Florida and Governor Ron DeSantis are making that dream come true anyway. Scheduled to open as soon as July 1, Florida is building “Alligator Alcatraz,” a 1,000-bed temporary migrant detention center on an unused airstrip deep in the Big Cypress National Preserve, part of the Everglades region.

They’re naming it after Alcatraz because, according to Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier, “There’s not much waiting for [detainees] other than alligators and pythons. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.” Calling it “Climbing Fern Gitmo” or “Everglades Abu-Ghraib,” while also catchy, wouldn’t play.

DeSantis, in a presentation, said, “We can’t have every illegal housed in our jails because we actually have non-illegals who have to be housed there when they commit crimes.”

The state’s ultimate goal, DeSantis said, is to buy the airport and “let the Everglades grow over it,” which they gladly will, given that the Everglades are the closest thing the United States has to a sentient swamp monster. The Glades are patient, and will win in the long run. But for now, DeSantis says, “we had a request from the federal government to do it, and so Alligator Alcatraz it is.”

The Trump Administration is not about to stop detaining illegal immigrants, so Alligator Alcatraz is hardly going to sit fallow. Human traffic of human traffickers will be brisk. But we do have some questions. The first involves basic human rights, which we need to afford even the baddest of illegal hombres. Here’s how the Miami Herald describes what Alligator Alcatraz is going to look like: “Picture a remote, temporary “tent city” with minimal permanent infrastructure, nestled deep in swamplands teeming with dangerous wildlife. It’s built within fenced perimeter zones – if fences are added – relying largely on Mother Nature as the security cordon. The stark visuals: rows of white-tan tents, trailers and utility pods sitting on a cleared airfield, surrounded by dense wetlands, clouds of mosquitoes and lurking reptiles.”

So, basically, we’re building Devil’s Island in the form of a modern Miami/Dade County construction site. No one expects detained illegal immigrants to be supping at the Hampton Inn breakfast bar. Still, this sounds horribly cruel, though maybe deterrence is the point.

The second caveat involves cost. Florida may be building Alligator Alcatraz, but they fully expect the Federal Emergency Management Agency to shoulder a good amount of the costs. Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem says they’ll be dipping into a pot of money, hundreds of millions of dollars deep and already established, which the Biden Administration used to support sanctuary cities.

But we’ve also heard from the Trump Administration that they’ll be winding down FEMA after the current hurricane season. You could argue, as the Administration constantly does, that illegal immigration is an emergency, but if you’re going to ask states to handle their own disaster relief, then you certainly should ask them to handle their own tent-based un-airconditioned swamp prisons.

Finally, though it may not be fashionable to say so, there are environmental concerns. The Everglades may be an unimaginable hellscape populated by prehistoric reptilian monsters, but they’re also a singular global treasure. The Trump Administration clearly doesn’t prioritize our natural heritage, as evidenced by DOGE National Park staff layoffs and controversial plans to buy up forest land to convert to condo development and minerals drilling. But the fast-tracking of Alligator Alcatraz is the most egregious example of environmental disregard yet.

The state of Florida is dismissing concerns from environmental groups, saying they’re not planning any “permanent construction” on the site. In the eyes of the government, Alligator Alcatraz will have no more environmental impact than a temporary cultural event, like Fyre Festival, but with even worse sandwiches.

It’s a $450 million experiment in temporary terror. Or, in the eyes of Ron DeSantis, “It’ll be a force multiplier. It’ll help our state and local law enforcement with relieving some burden on resources.”

Florida will also probably also do something similar at Camp Blanding, the site of the state’s National Guard headquarters, which seems like a more natural, though less nature-based, setting for such an endeavor. But “Alligator Blanding” sounds like something a bad restaurant would do to a cherished local protein, and “Blanding Alcatraz” sounds like a Thomas Pynchon character. So to swamp hell detainees will go. When faced with the prospect of Alligator Alcatraz, self-deportation seems like a better and better idea every day.