FIFA president joins Trump for Oval Office kickabout

Washington, DC

President Trump had balls on the brain on Friday. At an unannounced stop at the People’s Museum by the White House – where he was checking out the newly refurbished gift shop –  he laid down the gauntlet to DC Mayor Muriel Bowser. “I think the mayor has to get on the ball, because we have a situation, and she’s a nice woman, but I tell you what she’s got to get on the ball,” the President told the press. “I don’t want to see phony numbers.” We are now in the 12th day of Trump’s federal takeover of law and order in the capital. In that time, 719 arrests have been made, 36 of them illegal aliens, according to the White House.

Next, the President headed over to the Kennedy Center to inspect the ongoing reconstruction efforts. Today’s major announcement was that the draw for the FIFA World Cup would take place there in December. FIFA president Gianni Infantino flew over from Europe for the “announcement” that took place in the Oval Office in the early afternoon. Also present behind the Resolute Desk: Vice President J.D. Vance, World Cup Task Force chief Andrew Giuliani, FIFA senior advisor Carlos Cordeiro and DHS Secretary Kristi Noem. Special government employee Corey Lewandowski was toward the back of the room with other White House officials.

Infantino presented the President with a novelty-sized ticket to the World Cup Final. He brought the World Cup with him from FIFA HQ, giving it to Trump to hold after pointing out that the last person to lift it was Argentina and Inter Miami superstar Lionel Messi. “Since you are a winner, of course you can touch it,” Infantino said, easily falling into the role of obsequious medieval courtier. “Can I keep it?” Trump asked. He may have been joking – but the original Club World Cup trophy that he presented to Chelsea FC on Infantino’s last visit still sits behind him. 

The entire Oval Office is very, very gold: the President has taken a number of portraits of past presidents out of storage, hanging them in the office with gold-effect frames. It’s safe to assume that his White House ballroom, when completed, will have a similarly Uday Hussein aesthetic.

Trump remained focused on his law-and-order efforts. “We haven’t had to bring in the regular military, which we’re willing to do if we have to,” he told the press pool in the Oval. “And after we do this, we’ll go to another location and we’ll make it safe also… Chicago is a mess. And we’ll straighten that one out probably next.” No word yet on his plans to beatify the area around New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium, where the World Cup Final will take place 11 months from now.

“Do you think America will win?” I asked the President at the end of the session. “I don’t know,” he replied, smirking. “I watch some of those teams go, they go down that field, I don’t know…”

“Let me ask you,” Trump said, turning to Infantino. “What chance does America have of winning?”

“Well the home team always has a good chance to win,” the FIFA president replied.

“See? He’s a good diplomat,” joked Trump. How good, exactly, we shall see: Trump also mentioned how President Putin was hoping to attend the 2026 World Cup. Russia has been suspended from competition since it invaded Ukraine in 2022. Perhaps a lifting of that ban could prove to be a pot-sweetener in their much-vaunted peace negotiations in the weeks ahead.