Women’s Health magazine’s love letter to Dr. Jill

First Lady Dr. Jill Biden has graced the cover of another magazine, this time Women’s Health, a health and fitness periodical for female-identifiers. Brace yourself for the interview that accompanies the beach photoshoot; Liz Plosser, the mag’s editor-in-chief, has a difficult time disguising her puppy-dog crush on the community college English teacher.

Given the fact that Mrs. Biden is a doctor, Cockburn was hopeful that she would share some of her health-related expertise. Alas, thanks to Plosser’s mighty gentle probing, we only found out a few odds and ends regarding Biden’s exercise routine and love of fish and vegetables. The rest of the piece, which Plosser says she “reported” for three months, is a passionate love letter to Biden’s “luminous skin”, superhero-level inner strength and “joie de vivre.”

“Biden seems to be constantly calibrating [her inner] strength: she knows when it’s shored up, senses when it’s ebbing, and years of practice have taught her how to make it flow again. She seems to measure the attribute in those around her too,” Plosser gushes.

The author adds, “Her ability to see the pain of our human experience and not run in the other direction is a superpower.”

We might be forgiven for getting the impression that the first lady were set to risk it all and run away with the magazine editor, as Plosser reveals Dr. Biden picked her a bouquet of flowers from the White House garden. In another passage, Plosser describes her fantasy of watching Biden take a dip in the sparkling Atlantic Ocean after their photoshoot:

She told me of her love for water sports like paddleboarding and swimming. I want her to hand me the empty [water] bottle and sprint into the bay, diving under the surface, her eyes shining as she comes up for air.

She cannot. It’s the great irony of Biden’s role that her innate vitality and effervescence are constantly in check. She is endearingly unscripted, curious and authentic in her interactions and appearances, which can be at odds with the reality that everything she says and does is scrutinized under a metaphorical microscope by the press, and thus the American people. 

Truly poetic. In another Love Actually-esque moment of yet-unrequited adoration, Plosser longs for a TV camera to get closer to Dr. Biden’s face and explore the “compassion radiating from her eyes”. That compassion, of course, has up until this point only been reserved for six of seven of her grandchildren:

I find myself hoping the cameras will zoom in on her. I want to see the compassion radiating from her eyes, to hear the empathy in her voice, to feel her mothering the nation.

She does not speak today, but there will be other moments that call for her presence. Some tragic. Confusing. Others uplifting. Inspiring. Whatever the situation requires, she will go deep within and ready herself to be the healing balm the nation needs.

As a matter of urgency, could someone please check on Mr. Plosser? It sounds like there’s a chance he’s being cuckolded by FLOTUS…

Thanks to Plosser being head-over-heels, Women’s Health has done Dr. Biden a huge solid in the photoshoot. The cover photo, perhaps thanks to impeccable lighting, some recent Botox, or straight-up photoshop, makes Biden pass for ten to fifteen years younger. A snap of the first Lady lounging in an Adirondack chair has her looking literally unrecognizable. Another beach shot, which Women’s Health has put up as their Twitter header, magically erased Biden’s forehead wrinkles (not that there’s anything wrong with those!).

The Women’s Health cover story also conveniently asserts that the Bidens only visit their beach house in Delaware “from time to time,” although the latest metrics say that President Joe Biden is on pace to take more vacations than any modern president, even Donald Trump, who often spent weekends golfing at one of his many eponymous resorts. In fact, the Bidens are lounging in Rehoboth this entire week. So who can blame Women’s Health for their puff piece? Heck, if the first couple can take a break, then why not the media, too?