Trump’s Asian vacation

President Trump is meeting with Chinese Prime Minister Xi Jinping tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever it is in Asia. Regardless of the time, the meeting will have enormous implications for the future of the US economy and for geopolitical stability. Don’t worry, Trump told his dinner companions in South Korea last night. The three-to-four-hour meeting “will lead to something that’s going to be very, very satisfactory to China and to us. I think it’s going to be a very good meeting. I look forward to it tomorrow morning when we meet.”

The China summit will cap what’s been an absolutely delightful Asian invasion for Trump and his retinue. Trump told reporters last week that he felt incredibly lucky. And he’s grinned his way across the largest continent like the luckiest man alive, on the vacation of his dreams.

First, he did the Trump Dance on the tarmac in Kuala Lumpur alongside beautiful, gleaming young people dressed in traditional Malaysian garb. That was so much fun that he danced on his way out of Malaysia as well. Then, it was off to Japan, where he got a nice boat trip and appeared with new Japanese prime minister Sanae Takaichi on an aircraft carrier. “This woman is a winner,” he said as he embraced Takaichi. Later, Trump and his new “very close friend” ate American rice and American beef at Akasaka Palace, watched the Japanese-tinged World Series together, and signed baseball hats that read “JAPAN IS BACK.”

Next came South Korea, for a state dinner that featured “Korean Flavors meet American spirit, celebrating the enduring friendship through taste.” The dishes included “a salad of shrimp, scallops and abalone tossed with autumn herbs in a classic Thousand Island dressing” (gross), and A Korean Platter of Sincerity: “Braised short ribs featuring tender Us beef complimented by chestnuts, mushrooms radish and carrot, served with steam rice and spinach soybean paste soup” (good). Trump also enjoyed Grilled deodeok with gochujang-ketchup glaze and a “Peacemakers Dessert” with gold adorned brownie and seasonal fruits served with buckwheat tea.

This sounds like the Best Trip Ever, and Trump even skipped what we would all do if going to Asia for the first time. No Mount Fuji, Shibuya Crossing, Nintendo Museum, or Gangnam district for him. He should give his gold-adorned brownie to whoever set up his amazing itinerary, even if it was Chat GPT.

North Korea appears to be off the table this week. The Trump Magic Peace Touch must bless Korean Unification at a later date. Trump said to South Korean President Lee Jae Myung that “You have a neighbor that hasn’t been as nice as they could be, and I think they will be. I know Kim Jong Un very well, and I think things will work out very well.”

When Trump meets with Xi today (tomorrow), they’ll be discussing the ongoing trade war and tensions over rare-earth minerals and fentanyl production. “We have to get rid of it,” Trump said. They won’t, however, be discussing ongoing tensions between China and Taiwan. “Taiwan is Taiwan,” Trump said, which is very true. He won’t be doing the Trump Dance in Taipei on this trip, even though Taiwanese food is particularly delicious.