Behold, the First Lady Melania Trump Opera House

During a frantic Tuesday news cycle – where President Trump accused President Obama of high treason and Congress planned to recess early to avoid making any Epstein-related decisions – a smaller item caught Cockburn’s gimlet eye (while he was drinking a midday gimlet on the patio). House Republicans on the Appropriations Committee approved an amendment that would rename the opera house at the Trump-run Kennedy Center “First Lady Melania Trump Opera House.” Representative Mike Simpson of Idaho said that was an “excellent way to recognize” the First Lady’s “support and commitment to promoting the arts.” 

While Cockburn has no quibbles with Melania, the most beautiful and stylish First Lady secret agent in history, this move does bear a whiff of kowtowing to Dear Leader. He also questions Melania’s support and commitment to promoting the arts. 

A quick search of “Melania Trump and the arts” yields a lot of liberal-media articles moaning about naming the Kennedy Center Opera House after the First Lady, too bad, so sad. But other than that, we have Melania unveiling an art exhibit for the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment four years ago, Melania hosting an arts and crafts day for children two months ago and Melania participating in a Senate spouses’ luncheon at the National Gallery of Art. Hardly the résumé of someone who hates the arts, but she’s not exactly Peggy Guggenheim.  

It remains unclear if the First Lady Melania Trump Opera House will pass the full Congress, or if it will just continue to be a “can you believe this crap” item that angry blue-state wives show each other on their phones at the brunch table. But if it does come to fruition, Cockburn is ready to pounce on the opportunity. He’s been working on the libretto of an opera for which he seeks a quality composer with a deep bankroll.  

It’s the story of an innocent young Slovenian girl, the daughter of a communist apparatchik, who becomes a beautiful and sought-after international fashion model. She meets a billionaire New York real-estate developer, who romances her and proposes to her on the steps of the Met Gala. As his power rises, so does hers… alright, it’s not exactly La Bohème. But who’s to say that all operas, especially ones that play at the First Lady Melania Trump Opera House, need tragic endings?