The secret life of Agent Melania

The activities of First Lady Melania Trump have been the subject of much discussion in Cockburn’s circles during her husband’s second term. Where is she? What is she up to? For the most powerful spouse in the world, she keeps an extraordinarily low profile. But now a new theory has emerged: she’s been spying for Ukraine.

Over the weekend, an X user named “Kate from Kharkiv” posted a photo of Melania wearing a blue blazer bearing the Ukrainian trident insignia. Melania is also wearing one of her signature wide-brimmed hats, which shield her eyes from enemy view. “Agent Melania Trumpenko,” the caption read.

It’s just one of many memes that Ukrainians have been sharing this week, after it appears that President Trump has experienced a change of heart involving the Russia-Ukraine conflict. After a meeting with Secretary-General Mark Rutte of NATO, Trump said, “My conversations with him [Putin] are always very pleasant. I say, ‘isn’t that a very lovely conversation?’ And then the missiles go off that night. I go home, I tell the First Lady: I spoke with Vladimir today. We had a wonderful conversation. She said: ‘Really? Another city was just hit.’”

Could Melania be the turning point in the war? Is she the reason Trump has agreed to send Patriot defense missiles to Ukraine? The former Slovenian supermodel clearly has no great love for Vladimir Putin. Cockburn likes to imagine that, during her frequent public absences, she’s engaging in all kinds of skullduggery: tapping out code, passing documents on park benches, participating in subtle, slow, but tense car pursuits down dark country roads. First ladies have traditionally found themselves forced into roles where they spend their time promoting adult literacy or engaging in anti-smoking campaigns. But not Agent Melania Trumpenko. She has a nation to save.