Wishing you a joyless and guilt-ridden Thanksgiving

Elsewhere in the world, they just call Thanksgiving “Thursday.” But in the addled minds of some on America’s progressive left, it’s something far worse.

Joy Reid aired her “Thanksgiving message to MAGA trolls,” in which she discussed her “alternative” Thanksgiving idea for those who voted for Donald Trump: “Make your own dinner, MAGA, make your own sandwiches, wipe your own tears, troll among yourselves with Elon and leave us alone. You’ve got your heart’s desire: the president you dreamed of, and worship instead of Jesus.” 

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Timesoffered an ode to illegal immigrants and Axios’s Russell Contreras published a piece about the myth of Thanksgiving — Contreras preempted the heat his piece created on X, having posted a few days prior about his decampment to the fever swamps of BlueSky. 

“Genocide,” Jewish Voice for Peace, a radical group in George Soros’s network, tweeted. “Land theft. Ethnic cleansing. Environmental destruction. Forced displacement of people from their homes, and sequestration into isolated areas with (artificially) scarce resources. Criminalization and surveillance.” That’s right, JVP is talking about Thanksgiving. 

The group, which posted an intimidating-looking graphic about “land dispossession” in Israel and America, advocated for Native Americans and for Palestinians to overthrow their conquerors via “right of return” and “#LandBack,” respectively. 

“On this day, Indigenous people and allies confront the settler-colonial narratives of ‘Thanksgiving,’ observing it instead as a National Day of Mourning,” the group wrote. “The whitewashed story of unity with the Wampanoag people — who have long lived in southeastern Massachusetts and eastern Rhode Island — obscures the true history and ongoing violence against Indigenous life.” Cheerful stuff. 

While the majority of elected officials of both parties are in the pro-Thanksgiving camp, Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib was the fly in America’s ointment once more. “This Thanksgiving, we mourn the Indigenous people killed by European settlers and the United States in order to steal their land,” she wrote. “From here to Palestine, we stand in solidarity with all Indigenous people as they fight for freedom on their own land.” 

Tlaib also posted a land acknowledgement of sorts, paying homage to “the Peoria, Anishinabewaki, Bodwéwadmi, Myaamia, Meškwahki·aša·hina, Wyandot, Peoria [sic] and Mississauga peoples whose land we’re on.” 

Not all progressives, Cockburn should note, were sourpusses this Thanksgiving season. Senator Bernie Sanders published a completely normal Thanksgiving post that paid homage to Norman Rockwell. That said, let’s wait and see what Tlaib and her pals do when Christmas and Hanukkah roll around…

MAGA Thanksgiving versus MAHA Thanksgiving

When you have a big family, Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to get everyone together, share a plate of turkey and reflect on all that you’re grateful for. Elon Musk, the X CEO and sire of many offspring, opted for a lower-key affair, however: he was spotted on President-elect Trump’s table at the Mar-a-Lago festivities yesterday, dancing to “YMCA” as he broke bread with his mother Maye, Melania and Barron Trump. 

On the opposite coast, prospective health secretary RFK Jr. showed how it’s done, gathering five of his children and his wife Cheryl Hines. 

RFK also offered an insight into how he keeps his turkey “healthy,” posting a video of him slowly deep-frying it in boiling beef tallow as Hines nervously watches on. Cockburn isn’t sure just how good idea it is to cook that close to a wooden crosshatch fence — but he can’t fault the look of the bird. Let’s all look forward to a seed oil-free celebration in a year’s time.

You will not regret inviting Cockburn to your Christmas party (he promises)

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful… DC is getting into the Christmas spirit already. Cockburn spotted a tree on New York Avenue well over two weeks ago — and last Friday we even got a sprinkling of morning snow. But the time of goodwill shall not truly be upon us… until the shindigs start.

Once again, Cockburn is offering his services as your seasonal scribe, your Capitol Hill Clement Clark Moore — he will document the misdeeds of your Christmas party, this year, as every year. Send your invitations to cockburn@thespectator.com and he will shoot down your chimney, dangling his baubles, to feast on your milk and cookies (or bourbon, if you have it).

He will be on his best behavior — or not, whatever your preference. Solicit away — it does keep this newsletter lively, after all…

DC gets the Jack Schlossberg lookalike contest it deserves

Around 500 or so brown-haired white women gathered in Meridian Hill Park Sunday afternoon for DC’s version of the recent viral “lookalike contest” trend. Their objective was ostensibly to find the best doppelgänger of Jack Schlossberg, TikTok sensation and grandson of JFK. Though many in attendance appeared to have another motive: becoming the next woman to mysteriously perish at the hands of a Kennedy after a fling. “God gave you everything but our numbers,” read one handmade placard. Toward the front, one of the organizers brandished an “I’m single” sign. “This is so silly,” she said, as the attendees and judges whittled down the contenders, through voice votes and Schlossberg trivia. 

Daniel Bonomo, a twenty-five-year-old Georgetown grad student, ultimately won out over the other white men and nonbinaries. “I’m gonna go watch Wicked now,” he told the crowd. He received gift cards and a cash prize. 

Not in attendance: Schlossberg himself, to the disappointment of many. Perhaps he was too busy gearing up for a week of flamethrowing Pod Save America on Instagram…