Taylor Swift engaged – thanks, quite frankly, to ‘TRUMP’

It’s a love story, baby just say ‘yes’

Despite her shilling for Kamala Harris last November, Taylor Swift has evidently not had a Cruel Summer. Everything Has Changed for the singer, despite President Trump’s declaration that she is “no longer hot.” If things go as planned, the Gorgeous Swift will live evermore with Travis Kelce, her boyfriend of two years to whom she is now engaged. Cockburn is waiting with bated breath for the President to claim credit: she was never going to get married under Biden or Obama, clearly. This afternoon, Trump said, “I wish them a lot of luck… I think he’s a great player, a great guy. I think she’s a terrific person. So, I wish them a lot of luck.”

Swift and Kelce made the announcement that they planned to be together Forever & Always on Instagram with photos of the “private” proposal that took place in a lavish rose garden and was sealed with a massive, non-paper ring.

Swift, a multi-platinum singer-songwriter and “part-time Westerly resident,” has somewhat infamously relied on her string of boyfriends and subsequent Bad Blood for song material.

What Swift will find inspiration from now that she’s set to settle down is anyone’s guess. Cockburn hopes the highly influential songstress and her Lover will set a pro-family trend, as fertility rates in the US near historic lows. Back in 2012, Swift said she wanted “a bunch” of children, “minimum four.” She could name them Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus…

On our radar

TOO MANY COOKS President Trump last night sent a letter attempting to oust Federal Reserve governor Lisa Cook. Cook says she will “not resign.”

UTAH JAZZ A judge in Utah has ordered a redrawing of the state’s congressional map that could result in the Democrats getting a seat in Salt Lake City.

CRIME CRACKDOWN The White House says that 87 arrests were made in the District of Columbia last night, 39 of them illegal immigrants. Today is the 16th day of the President’s state of emergency in DC – more than 1,094 arrests have been made in that period.

Just us girlies

Spotted in DC this weekend getting pedicures a couple of chairs down from one of Cockburn’s spies: Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey and his ex-girlfriend Rosario Dawson.

The pair dated from December 2018 to February 2022, during Booker’s run for the presidency.

“He gives big wife guy energy,” said Cockburn’s source. “They very much looked like a couple.” Could a rekindling of their romance augur another presidential bid? Watch this space…

A novel without a heroine

The very thought of having First Lady Melania Trump on the cover of their magazine has Vanity Fair staffers considering other career options. “If I have to work bagging groceries at Trader Joe’s, I’ll do it,” one of them told the New York Post today.

Unlike Vanity Fair’s parent company Condé Nast, Trader Joe’s is a thriving company that offers good job security, but let’s set that aside for a second. Cockburn thinks Vanity Fair should be so lucky as to have the best-looking and most glamorous First Lady ever on their cover. She would provide the best-selling issue in a decade.

It has long been a point of contention that Melania has not yet been featured on the cover of Vogue, another flagship Condé title, while serving as First Lady. She did get a Vogue cover in 2005 when she married the Donald – and, more prestigiously, our cover this March.

When Mark Giuducci took over the editorial directorship at VF earlier this year, he said the news read like “a co-production between Marcel Proust and Michael Bay.” Now he’s got a staff threatening to “walk out the motherfucking door” if he puts the First Lady on the cover. Staffers are going to be in search of lost wages. Don’t let the MF’ing VF door hit you on the way out. Cockburn’s groceries aren’t going to bag themselves.

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