Shutdown siestas

Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday

Washington is ten days into the government shutdown, and the Republicans and Democrats remain at loggerheads. Members are accosting each other in the corridors of power – in front of a gawking media, naturally – and challenging their adversaries to debate on TV shows. The impression our leaders are trying to give us is that they are working hard to reach a solution to the impasse. The same can’t be said for admin officials: Cockburn understands a large swathe have taken the opportunity to head off on vacation – and are doing their best to ensure they don’t post any pictures. (As ever, if you’ve spotted a secretary soaking in the sunshine, let Cockburn know at cockburn@thespectator.com.)

As no one knows when an agreement will be reached, starting a week ago some officials booked some absurdly long-distance weekend trips, including one to the Persian Gulf, according to Cockburn’s sources.

But mothballed federal workers, set to miss a paycheck, are frustrated with the shutdown. They’re not the only ones: a little birdie spotted Senator John Fetterman in the hallway on the Hill after a vote this week. The Pennsylvania Democrat put his hand under the hand-sanitizer machine. Nothing came out… so he walked into the elevator, muttering, “government never works.” Too right.

On our radar

WHAT’S UP, DOC? President Trump is spending the morning at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, where he will undergo an annual physical.

AGENT MELANIA While her husband was occupied, First Lady Melania Trump gave a rare press conference, detailing how she’d been in back-channel contact with President Vladimir Putin of Russia in order to secure the return of Ukrainian children who’d been abducted during his invasion.

TISH UPON A STAR The Department of Justice indicted New York Attorney General Leticia James on bank fraud and false-statement charges Thursday. The evidence was presented by Lindsey Halligan, the former Miss Colorado runner-up and newly appointed US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia.

Nobel intentions

So, not this year then. María Corina Machado, the Venezuelan opposition leader, is the recipient of the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize. Given President Trump’s position on her rival President Nicolás Maduro – which most notably has taken the form of turning Venezuelan “drug boats” in the Caribbean into red mist – the choice by the Norwegian committee seems a sage one. Surely the President wouldn’t throw his toys out of the stroller after being passed over for a woman whose cause he supports?

“We are on the threshold of victory and today, more than ever, we count on President Trump, the people of the United States, the peoples of Latin America, and the democratic nations of the world as our principal allies to achieve Freedom and democracy,” a savvy Machado posted on X this morning. “I dedicate this prize to the suffering people of Venezuela and to President Trump for his decisive support of our cause!”

With his trademark subtlety, Trump has been campaigning for the Nobel Peace Prize over the first nine months of his presidency, securing letters of support from various world leaders and claiming to have ended seven wars. (If the Israel-Hamas ceasefire holds, that would make eight.)

The world is watching his Truth Social timeline with bated breath as he undergoes a physical at Walter Reed this morning, to see how he reacts to being passed over. So far, he’s reposted Machado’s tribute to him. In the meantime, they will have to satisfy themselves with the musings of White House communications director Steven Cheung: “President Trump will continue making peace deals, ending wars, and saving lives. He has the heart of a humanitarian, and there will never be anyone like him who can move mountains with the sheer force of his will. The Nobel Committee proved they place politics over peace.”

If Trump is seeking inspiration for how to respond with grace after being overlooked for an honor, he should probably avoid the example set by David Beckham. The soccer star was hoping to be knighted by the Queen following the 2012 London Olympics. Leaked emails revealed that he was not best pleased with the Honors Committee: “Who decides on the honors? It’s a disgrace to be honest and if I was American I would of [sic] got something like this 10 years ago…” That’s the only part Cockburn can safely quote…

Who will play Turning Point USA’s alternative halftime show?

Turning Point USA has announced its plans to host an “All-American Halftime Show” during the Super Bowl. It’s offering this as an alternative to the actual halftime show, which will feature Puerto Rican entertainer Bad Bunny, who mostly performs in Spanish. TPUSA doesn’t like Bad Bunny’s stance on ICE, which included him posting a video of ICE raids in his home territory of Puerto Rico, where he called ICE “sons of bitches.”

But who, exactly, is TPUSA going to be able to recruit to even vaguely approach the popularity of Bad Bunny, the second-most streamed artist in the country on Spotify so far this year? The appropriately named Creed, who have never done the Super Bowl but did once perform an iconic 9/11 tribute show in Dallas during a Thanksgiving game, might be available and willing. There are some obvious MAGA country choices, such as the ossified Lee Greenwood, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, Jason Aldean, maybe Toby Keith. TPUSA probably won’t be able to land Luke Bryan and definitely doesn’t want Zack Bryan – no relation – whom DHS Secretary and “Deportation Barbie” Kristi Noem said this week had written a “completely disrespectful” song with lyrics that claim ICE “is going to come bust down your door.”

All this halftime politics nonsense makes Cockburn miss the apolitical days of wardrobe malfunctions, Prince shredding and Britney Spears and Aerosmith duetting on “Walk This Way.” His prediction: TPUSA’s All-American Halftime Show will have a wan YouTube audience while Santa Clara rocks to Bad Bunny bringing out Daddy Yankee for a duet on “Gasolina.” It will be completely disrespectful – and thoroughly entertaining.