Kamala: ‘Democracy is dead. Buy my book’

Kamala Harris reappeared last night, making a 30-minute guest appearance on the now-canceled Late Show with Stephen Colbert, to deliver this message of hope to the American people: The country is irretrievably broken and there’s nothing anyone can do to fix it. Hilarious!

Momala said that everything terrible that was going to happen if she lost to Donald Trump has now happened (relatively strong economy, world peace) but the worst thing is that her fellow Democrats have “capitulated” to Trump’s fascist program of trade protectionism and renaming everything after himself.

Harris, who recently announced that she’s not running for California governor, said she probably won’t run for President in 2028 either. “I just, for now, I don’t want to go back into the system,” Harris said. “I think it’s broken.” (Cockburn reads “broken” as “I simply can’t win.”)

“I always believed that as fragile as our democracy is, our systems would be strong enough to defend our most fundamental principles,” she continued. “And I think right now that they’re not as strong as they need to be, and I just don’t want to for now. I don’t want to go back in the system. I want to travel the country. I want to listen to people, and I don’t want it to be transactional, where I’m asking for their vote.”

However, she does want people to listen to her long enough to buy her new book “107 Days,” which is exactly how long she and her supporters maintained the illusion that she might become President. Colbert said her statement was “harrowing,” while a copy of the book sat on the desk between them. “I am always going to be part of the fight,” said Harris, who had just said she was no longer going to be part of the fight.

Democracy is dead. Buy my book.

Trump-Hawley Tiff

When he’s not busy claiming the greatest economy in American history, bringing peace to the planet or threatening drug companies to bring down prices (or else), President Trump is still finding time to shitpost Senators from his own party. This week he called 91-year-old Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley a “RINO” and “sneaky,” for expressing mild concern about last month’s tax bill. According to The Hill, other Republicans found this “irritating”.

Then Trump went to town on Truth Social over Missouri’s Josh Hawley helping to vote a Congressional insider trading bill out of committee. The President sounded very defensive even though Hawley said he “still loves” Trump, that the bill has nothing to do with Trump and would only affect future Presidents, and Hawley, too, wants Nancy Pelosi’s investigated for her family’s stock trading.

Later, the “second-tier” Senator said he had a “good chat” with Trump, who apparently no longer thinks that Hawley is a “pawn” of the DEMOCRATS who are jealous of “our tremendous ACHIEVEMENTS and SUCCESS.” Cockburn continues to advise Republicans to not make Trump angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.

On our radar

EPSTEIN UPDATE Virginia Giuffre’s family released a statement urging the DoJ to keep Ghislaine Maxwell in prison, after Trump said his friendship with Epstein ended after the sex trafficker “stole” her from Mar-a-Lago while she was working there as a spa attendant.

RUN FAST President Trump is bringing back the Presidential Fitness Test for all public school children in an attempt to “restore urgency in improving the health of all Americans.”

MEXICAN TARIFFS📈📈 After Trump pressured President Sheinbaum to allow US troops in Mexico to fight cartels, two Mexican officials were charged with leading a drug trafficking group.

2, 4, 6, 8, what can we deregulate?

The Environmental Protection Agency has been hard at work undoing decades of government-sponsored greening. Secretary of Energy Chris Wright joined EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin to rescind a 2009 EPA “Endangerment Finding” and announced a recent DOE Report that’s contents are going to cause a five-alarm emergency among climate-change activists.

Zeldin’s team is re-studying and re-evaluating many things Americans thought they knew, including the social cost of carbon. Wright said the 2009 regulations were made by people who “didn’t look at the data,” adding, “they didn’t understand climate change, they didn’t appreciate how energy works.”

To avoid the same alleged mistakes as the 2009 crew, Wright reached out to five scientists with differing opinions and backgrounds to get a comprehensive review of what regulations actually benefit the Earth and its inhabitants. And from his brief remarks, Thursday, it appears there will no longer be government incentives to buy electric vehicles, as they offer “roughly zero reduction in greenhouse gas emissions.” Wright said, “Electric vehicles are not climate tools, but they’re politically popular because rich people like them, so they’ve been deemed to be climate solutions. We want to get back to science and data and facts.”

Wright encouraged the public to read the 150-page report and “engage in a thoughtful dialogue about what is climate change.” Cockburn, who’s no climate alarmist, has survived smog, acid rain and several unusual winter storms in his life. But he also fancies electric cars somewhat, so he looks forward to the chat. 

Strictly Ballroom

The White House is just not big and beautiful enough, apparently. The Trump administration announced construction plans Thursday morning for a “much-needed and exquisite addition” of a 90,000 square foot, 650-person capacity ball room, and the operation will begin next month.

After gawking at the gold and white neoclassical teaser photos, Cockburn was relieved to find the construction cost will not come from his own meager tax contributions; it will be paid for by his billionaire president and others who “generously committed to donating” funds for the $200 million addition. 

In the press pool on Thursday, Trump explained why there hasn’t been a ballroom in the White House before now: “We’ve been planning it a long time… but there’s never been a president who was good at ballrooms.” That changes now.