Get in loser, we’re going to brunch! The Biden White House is proving its liberal bonafides by eschewing “lunch lids” in favor of the much more elite — and very DC — “brunch lid.”
The White House typically calls a temporary press lid for a couple of hours each afternoon. This is a period of time where there are no public events on the president’s schedule and everyone in the press corps is allowed to rest and recharge.
Previous administrations were big on calling these “lunch lids,” but due to the pause on activity starting earlier in the day and the Biden admin just being bad and bougie, “brunch lid” has become the new favorite term. From Cockburn’s rough count of White House pool reports so far this year, the Biden admin has called thirty-nine lunch lids and forty-two brunch lids. Talk about a bottomless brunch!
Protesters spoil a sober softball affair
This week, women in Congress played female journalists in a charity softball tournament. But apparently, climate protesters took issue with that. For almost an hour, a cadre of activists held the field hostage, prompting bipartisan outrage at their anti-fun antics.
One of the congressional coaches, Representative Kelly Armstrong, mocked the protesters as “low-rent” and “miserable.” The game was sleepy; despite a late surge by the members, the press dominated, 15-9.
The most controversial aspect of the game, however, was its sobriety. One attendee complained about watching “the fake news media wallop the real stars of the game, House Republicans,” but that doing it sober is “unbearable.”
“I guess journalists have to be good at something, I just didn’t expect it to be sports,” he said.
A female attendee said the forced sobriety “was not only frustrating; it was contrary to women, Congress and the press.” Cockburn couldn’t agree more…
Secret Service ends line of inquiry into White House coke
This is the way the probe ends, not with a chang but a whimper. On Thursday the Secret Service concluded its investigation into who left their cocaine in the White House earlier this month… and they’re blaming no one. “Without physical evidence, the investigation will not be able to single out a person of interest from the hundreds of individuals who passed through the vestibule where the cocaine was discovered,” they said in a statement.
Cockburn understands, though his hardest partying days are behind him; when he thinks of everyone he knows who partakes in the Bolivian marching powder, and asks himself “would they do a bump in the White House if a window presented itself and they thought they wouldn’t be caught?” to a man, the answer is “naturally.” Frankly, the real scandal is that this is the first time someone’s uncovered the evidence…
Washington & Lee flogs a dead horse
Washington and Lee University has removed a plaque commemorating namesake General Robert E. Lee’s horse, Traveller. Visitors to the university will no longer be greeted by the plaque commemorating the horse that served the Confederate general during and after the Civil War, according to campus paper the W&L Spectator (great name by the way). A replacement plaque will be displayed, arguably less prominently, at Traveller’s gravesite, which Cockburn hopes will placate any neighsayers…
Traveller lived in the stables next to the president’s house from 1869 until its death in 1871. Per the Spectator, campus tradition says that “the doors to the stable must remain open at all times for Traveller’s ghost to come and go at will.”
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