Catriona Olding

By the time her colleague Tina and I got to her she was telling everyone she was a doctor and to cancel the ambulance

Between the ages of eight and 11, I stayed on an aunt’s farm, helping with housework and learning to ride

For the first time in my life I danced and cried at the same time

Pick up a paintbrush in a state-funded art school these days and you’ll be shown the door

As the doors opened and the laptop was returned to its idiot owner, the entire busload of passengers clapped and cheered