How to decode adspeak

The National Galleries of Scotland is singular. In its public pronouncements its pronouns are it and its. Fair enough. Though it appears plural, I shall not misuse its chosen pronouns. Visitors must also learn a new language to visit its three galleries, for they are not now called galleries. They are called National, Portrait and Modern (comprising Modern One and Modern Two). The new names, adopted last year, are “snappier and more memorable for visitors than the previous longer names” such as the Scottish National Gallery. So you should say: “I’m just off to see Women in Revolt! at Modern Two.”

The National Galleries of Scotland has been looking for a director of collection and research. The advertisement may be written in best-practice language. It is not how my husband and I speak. What is the job? “The post-holder is responsible for leading our dynamic public offer across our sites.” That makes it sound like a shepherd leading the dynamically gamboling offer over the Mound in Edinburgh and beside the restful Water of Leith to Belford Road.

“The role will play a key part in driving the profile of the organization’s curatorial and research activity with a particular focus on equality, diversity and inclusion.” You bet. But note that it is not the director who does this, but the role, and even the role doesn’t do more than driving a profile while wearing the kind of spectacles that provide the right focus. In addition, “the role owns the delivery of the strategic leadership.” But make no mistake: “We’re embedding Equality, Diversity & Inclusion (EDI) in the way we work.” I suspect that this kind of embedding is done with quickset cement rather than with handheld gardening tools.

You, if you are the chosen post-holder, will have “the ability to galvanize colleagues across the organization toward a shared vision.” Galvanizing people toward a shared vision must be a sort of electric-shock treatment.

“By working closely with stakeholders,” the lucky post-holder will be “ensuring that activity is aligned with our approach to audiences.” These audiences are the people who find the title Scottish National Gallery too long to remember.

This article was originally published in The Spectator’s August 2024 World edition.