Nick Cannon and the remaking of the American family

Nick Cannon is the ultimate baby daddy. How could he not be? The Masked Singer and Wild ’n’ Out host is rich, handsome and has somehow gotten six very hot women pregnant, resulting in twelve — count them, twelve — children. He talks about each of them with nothing but respect and, as far as Cockburn is aware, the women have nothing bad to say about him. 

Cannon has transcended the outmoded notion of the nuclear family — and is setting out an alternative high standard for the modern American father. I mean, he made two babies with Mariah Carey at her peak. He is also, in tandem with Elon Musk, solving the problem of plunging Western fertility rates. So Cockburn was surprised to find out that the forty-two-year-old rapper doesn’t pay child support. 

After calling himself a “provider” during a Monday radio interview with Hot 104.1, Cannon clarified that he doesn’t give a “monthly allowance” or “set amount” of money to the six women he has children with.

“I don’t give myself that [guideline],” Cannon said. “What they need, they get it.”

He continued, “There’s never been something that one of the mothers of my children has asked for and they didn’t receive.”

Then again: does the government really need to be involved in how Cannon financially handles his offspring. He acknowledges and supports his kids — which is a darn sight more than many other fathers do.

While the Cannon model may not be viewed as the done thing, Mariah Carey, Brittany Bell, Abby De La Rosa, Alyssa Scott, Bre Tiesi and LaNisha Cole don’t seem to mind. Plus, repopulating America seems like a better use of Cannon’s time than, say, podcasting. Maybe he’s just reimagining the American family unit… or hoping to field a full soccer team of Cannons in a decade’s time…