A poultry affair at the White House

The call sheet for this afternoon’s event at the White House was as imposing as ever:

WHO:

The President

Mrs. Melania Trump, First Lady of the United States

Gobble, Turkey

Waddle, Turkey

Putin at 10, turkeys at 12, home to Mar-a-Lago for Thanksgiving by nightfall. A typical day in the Trump presidency.

This year’s birds, Gobble and Waddle, hail from Wayne County, North Carolina, and will return to live out their days at North Carolina State University. Luckily they aren’t from Venezuela, else Pete Hegseth would have turned them into a cloud of red vapor and feathers already. Cockburn helped himself to a cup of hot apple cider from the White House staff and settled in at the back of the press area.

Through a spattering of light rain, President Trump began his remarks in the Rose Garden by pointing out the excellent paving job that had been carried out under his direction. “You’d be sinking into the mud,” he said. Interrupted by the occasional gobble, the President said he was delighted to mark “a pardon day for a very important beast” and praised the “two handsome Thanksgiving turkeys.”

That’s as apolitical as Trump managed. As he spoke from the podium, alongside the Presidential Wall of Fame with its Biden autopen portrait, he went on to declare, “last year’s turkey pardons are totally invalid” – before repardoning them himself. He noted how well he’d performed in the birds’ county of origin – “I won Wayne County by a lot” – and mentioned other turkey names that he had considered. “I was gonna call them Chuck and Nancy,” Trump suggested, “but then I wouldn’t pardon them.” The President mentioned that RFK Jr. – not in attendance – had declared the birds “the first ever MAHA turkeys,” then treated the audience to a diatribe on urban crime in DC and Chicago. “The governor is a big fat slob,” the President said of J.B. Pritzker. Shortly after, he said, “I don’t talk about people being fat, I refuse to talk about the fact that he’s a big fat slob.” Food for thought ahead of your Thanksgiving discussions on Thursday.

Spotted in attendance: Vice President J.D. Vance and Usha, with their daughter Mirabel; Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent; FBI Director Kash Patel; Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth; Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick; HUD Secretary Scott Turner; EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin; deputy assistant to the President Dr. Sebastian Gorka, and Jason Miller.

On our radar

MTG BRB President Trump laid down the gauntlet to Marjorie Taylor Greene following her resignation announcement. “It’s not going to be easy for her” to revive her career in politics, he said, adding, “I’d love to see that.”

KELLY CONSPIRACY? The Pentagon has launched an investigation into Senator Mark Kelly following last week’s video in which he urges active-duty military to ignore “illegal” orders. President Trump accused Kelly of “sedition,” which he states is “punishable by DEATH!”

GET STUFFED Several major airports are experiencing serious delays heading into the Thanksgiving holiday due to inclement weather.

Candace in the crosshairs?

After the death of her friend Charlie Kirk, Candace Owens spent the fall warning the public of alleged conspiracies behind his assassination… involving, you guessed it, Israel. Now she is concerned for her own safety. On Sunday night, she shared with her 7 million X followers that she had received “credible” evidence of a plot to kill her. “I even have names,” she wrote. The most important name: Emmanuel Macron. The French first couple has been a subject of Owens’s concern for a while now. The podcaster is being sued for making a documentary branding Brigitte Macron secretly transgender. If President Macron employs French assassins to kill her, in a 21st-century retelling of Luc Besson’s Leon, it would be a mistake. Per “comic” Dave Smith’s post on X, “taking out Candace Owens will turn all of us into Candace Owens.” Perish the thought.

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