Press-pool stew

Looking for a good time, sweet’eart?

Team Trump back in Washington today after their sojourn to Britain for a state visit. The President took to the Old Country with the gusto of an American girl on study abroad: castles, royals, knights, fancy dinners, all the pageantry. “I saw more paintings than any human being has ever saw, and statues,” he gushed to the press pool on the flight back.

He even managed to dodge the most difficult question in his joint press conference with Prime Minister Keir Starmer, flatly claiming “I don’t know him, actually,” of ousted UK ambassador Peter Mandelson, who was fired over new revelations of his ties to Jeffrey Epstein. That’s some departure from their Oval Office meeting in May, when Trump complimented Mandelson on his “beautiful accent.” Both Trump and Mandelson feature in the financier’s 50th birthday book; only Trump contests the authenticity of his entry.

Having a less joyous time in Blighty? Secretary of State Marco Rubio, who was spotted by a couple of journalists wandering around the car park of Chequers, the PM’s stately home, without security. The Secretary is shorter than you’d expect, a senior Westminster source tells Cockburn: “He really is Lil’ Marco.”

And while Donald and Melania had the honor of being hosted by the King and Queen at Windsor Castle, the traveling press corps’ lodgings were somewhat less illustrious. They were put up in the May Fair Radisson, a hotel that often receives guests partaking in illicit activities. “Scandalized American reporters were clutching their pearls after being approached by icky pimps and drug dealers on the street outside, who kept mentioning cocaine and women,” one reporter told Cockburn. “One could barely make it across the street to Sainsbury’s for supplies without being propositioned. Prostitutes in fake furs and teeny dresses loitered in packs outside of Sexy Fish, the restaurant catty-corner to the backside of the May Fair.”

A veteran reporter described the scene inside the hotel to Cockburn: “Worthy-looking American journalists in shirts, chinos, dad sneakers and baseball caps wandering around with their credentials, while shifty-looking clients and their female companions were slinking in for a bit of afternoon nookie. It made for an interesting crowd at the bar.”

On our radar

XI TIME President Trump spoke with President Xi Jinping of China this morning. In a Truth Social post, Trump said the pair had “made progress” on issues including fentanyl, trade, Russia-Ukraine and a TikTok deal, agreed to meet at APEC in South Korea and visit each other’s countries.

AOC TIME Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s team are positioning her to run either for the US Senate or the presidency, per Axios.

PLAN B TIME Wealthy Americans are acquiring second passports in Latin America and Asia for tax purposes, according to a report in Business Insider.

‘Je suis Jimmy’

It’s all hands on deck for the world of light entertainment after ABC suspended Jimmy Kimmel, an act that Hollywood is treating as if it’s part of a Stalinist purge. Panic is only increasing as rumors fly that the FCC is coming for The View next. We should be so lucky. Cockburn doesn’t really care about daytime TV schedules as long as The Young and the Restless is safe.

Now Jimmy Fallon has mysteriously canceled public appearances, hoping that if he remains invisible, they can’t touch him. Meanwhile, Marvel actor Tatiana Maslany encourages people to unsubscribe their Disney+/Hulu/ESPN bundles, but if her woeful She-Hulk show didn’t cause them to jump ship, then this certainly won’t. Marc Maron, who’s already self-deported from his podcast, warns on Instagram Reels of a Hitlerian-level emergency. Last night Jon Stewart convened an emergency satirical episode of The Daily Show, where he dressed like Donald Trump and appeared with a White House-style gilded backdrop, begging Dear Leader to have mercy on him. “Tonight, we are all Jimmy Kimmel,” Stephen Colbert said on his own canceled show. Speak for yourself, Stephen!

Adam Carolla, Kimmel’s former co-host on The Man Show, is probably the best person to comment on this situation. On his podcast, he called Kimmel a “very good guy and a generous guy,” even though he thinks Kimmel was “inaccurate” in the Charlie Kirk/MAGA comments that led to this mess in the first place. “I don’t like the government getting involved,” Carolla, a Republican, said. “I just want people to speak and then the ratings will do the talking.” And now, girls jumping on trampolines.

This week in free speech

Charlie Kirk died demonstrating his commitment to free speech and open debate. In the nine days since his assassination, America has seen its Attorney General looking to punish “hate speech” and its Vice President using a guest-host slot on Kirk’s show to encourage citizens to call the employers of people they perceive to be celebrating Kirk’s death. It’s not clear who gets to decide what constitutes a “celebration,” versus a crass joke or commentary. The employer? The government? A mob on X?

Speaking of X, “free-speech absolutist” Elon Musk called for the streamer Steven “Destiny” Bonnell to be jailed for incitement to murder and domestic terrorism. Bonnell has made a series of unsavory comments in the aftermath of Kirk’s murder. And according to reporting from Ken Klippenstein on Substack, “the Trump administration is preparing to designate transgender people as ‘violent extremists’.” Specifically, “Under the plan being discussed, the FBI would treat transgender suspects as a subset of the Bureau’s new threat category, ‘Nihilistic Violent Extremists’ (NVEs).”

All of this is unfolding in parallel to the investigation and charging of Tyler Robinson, Kirk’s accused assassin, as FBI and state officials in Utah uncover more details about his actions, connections and beliefs – and people online seize on them to prove the Kirk murder reaffirms what they’d already decided about it beforehand.

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