Larry Ellison briefly eclipses Elon Musk

Something happened in the news yesterday that was so monumental, it may change the course of American history forever. I’m talking, of course, about the fact that, very briefly, Oracle’s Larry Ellison overtook Elon Musk to become the World’s Richest Man. Larry Ellison life goal, unlocked.

After Oracle’s earnings report yesterday, the stock shot through the roof, and Ellison owns 40 percent of the company. That must have been some earnings report! On the earnings call, Ellison said that his Oracle AI chatbots, run from his Oracle computing centers, are on the verge of being able to run the stock market, design drugs, fully operate factories and provide basic legal and sales services at companies. Foolish humans, you are an inconvenience. “AI changes everything,” Ellison said on the call.

We must use this moment to contemplate what AI is doing to our society, and to our souls. To which we must answer: It is making them awesome, and making us all rich. As I reported here last week, I soon stand to bring in a five-figure windfall because a company forgot to ask me for permission to use my precious novels to train its AI writing software. Whoops, their bad, but my gain. Ellison, who, to be fair is 81 and has been waiting patiently for his turn atop the pyramid, is just like me, but $40 million times more so.

Elon’s portfolio is more diversified, but still pretty AI heavy. Therefore, by the end of the day, Ellison’s surge ended, and Musk was back on top of the wealth ladder, $384.2 billion to $383.2 billion. This is very relatable to those of us for whom chiseling $10,000 off the top of anything is an almost unimaginable windfall. Musk wins again.

What will the consequences of this be? I envision a world where everything is affordable, everything is convenient, and there’s nothing for ordinary humans to do all day except murder one another for their political beliefs. Oracle will upload our consciousnesses into a cloud, where they can also continue to murder one another over their political beliefs. Hell is other people, and also not other people.

AP reports that with their net worth, Musk and Elllison could “tell all of South Africa to take a vacation for a year and produce nothing, based on its gross domestic product.” Very cute, AP. We’ve all heard what Musk wants South Africa to do, and that includes not murdering one another over political beliefs. But who does he think they are, the Amish?

Grok, Elon’s personal AI assistant, says it matters who the world’s richest man is because it “often signals broader shifts in technology, markets, and power dynamics.” True enough, and then it adds:

“Ultimately, it matters because the richest aren’t passive; they steer humanity’s direction. Musk’s Mars ambitions or Ellison’s AI bets could solve (or worsen) existential challenges. If nothing else, it reminds us: In 2025, tech titans aren’t just rich – they’re architects of tomorrow.”

What are we all going to be doing tomorrow, thanks to the world’s richest men? Not a whole hell of a lot, by design. Thank you, Larry Ellison.