Is Trump DC’s Batman?

What is Washington to make of the President’s efforts to “make DC safe again?” If you’re only capable of measuring Trump’s actions by how authoritarian they appear, then, sure, his declaration of a state of emergency, seizure of control of the Metropolitan Police Department and mobilization of the National Guard must seem scary. Cockburn empathizes with the small number of DC residents – and larger cohort in other cities and around the world – who see Trump’s use of the powers granted him by the Home Rule Act as concerning. On his Monday evening constitutional around Northwest DC, Cockburn saw a number of arrests taking place, more MPD cars on the street than usual and heard a chorus of sirens cascading into the night.

Yet Cockburn has lived in this city a while – and therefore knows that in many neighborhoods, the fear of creeping fascism is vastly offset by the sense of lawlessness that has prevailed in the district since the pandemic. Big-brained, extremely serious pundits such as MSNBC justice correspondent Ken Dilanian spent yesterday bleating that “total violent crime” is “down 35 percent from 2023.” You might think that serving as a cable news network’s justice correspondent would require you to be able to read graphs – and acknowledge just how much higher violent crime was in 2023 compared to four years earlier, and how DC was a national outlier that year. Perhaps Ken should report to his colleague Steve Kornacki’s whiteboard for some remedial classes.

Over on CNN, the tenor was sober-minded, data-oriented and measured. “Donald Trump makes himself Batman and the nation’s capital Gotham City,” said DMV native Abby Phillip on her primetime show. Does that make Pete Hegseth Commissioner Gordon and Judge Jeanine Two-Face? There was a minor scuffle on Phillip’s show in her absence last Wednesday, when conservative firebrand Scott Jennings said, “I just know that when we go to CNN in Washington and do a show, they send guards out with us to walk us out 200 feet to the street.” Other guests challenged his claim – but a mole tells Cockburn that CNN changed its security protocol for guests a while back, with a security guard escorting guests to their Ubers for safety reasons.

Elsewhere in the city, the war of anecdotes rages on. “Hey DC, let’s push back against the negative narrative about our city,” posted the ironically named DC meme account Washingtonian Problems on X. “Share why you love our beautiful home and help show the world the real DC.” The responses are… probably not what they were hoping for:

“I got mugged last year by a group of teenagers who should’ve been in school while walking back from donating a trunk of school supplies to that same school.”

“I watched a gang of kids push a cyclist into traffic on 14th St and waited on hold with 911 for 140 seconds until they chased me away.”

“I moved from my previous apartment in NoMa after four people were shot less than a block away, outside King Street Oyster in 2024. The police blamed the restaurant for failing to lock-up their patio at night, saying it ‘contributed to the group establishing themselves and continue to grow, leading to the gun violence that resulted in four people being shot.’ DC chief of police Pamela Smith ordered the restaurant to close for four days after violating a 2019 ‘security agreement.’ Silent killers: open patios.”

This morning Cockburn spotted a couple of women around his age, one of them wearing a “the real criminal is in the White House” T-shirt. This is another line that’s been trotted out: how can Trump be a “law-and-order” leader when he incited January 6? Cockburn is no fan of disorder in the district – including what unfolded at the Capitol in 2021 – but he is at pains to point out that hundreds of the attempted insurrectionists, violent and not, faced legal consequences for their actions that day. Several were in jail for three or so years – and the J6 cases tied up the DC courts for months. That’s more than can be said for the juvenile perpetrators of the post-Covid violent crime spike, most of whom got away with a slap on the wrist.

For the people solely outraged at Trump’s “overreach” this week, Cockburn has to wonder: where was your anger for the many, many people who could have acted before him on DC crime and did next to nothing? For the DC Council, Mayor, police chiefs, judges, housing authorities, the previous attorney general, the previous president… the list goes on.

On our radar

LET’S GET IT ON In celebration of the nation turning 250, Dana White confirmed there will likely be a UFC match on the White House lawn. “Fighters will be warming up in the White House. It’s incredible,” White told the Wall Street Journal.

BOT WARS After alleging that Apple gives ChatGPT preferential placement over xAI in the App Store, Elon Musk announced he will sue for “antitrust violations.”

NEW TRUMP TRIAL A federal court began hearing testimony yesterday to determine if President Trump deployed the National Guard illegally to squash June’s California riots. Trump appears unconcerned, as he deployed the National Guard the same day in DC.

The Picture of Barack Hussein Obama

Another day, another Donald Trump redecorating drama. This week’s outrage comes after a report emerged that Trump has moved portraits of three former presidents – Barack Obama and George Bush Sr. and Jr. – out of view to a “hidden stairwell” where tourists visiting the White House can’t see them. However, they definitely can see a painted rendition of Trump’s “Fight” moment, which has hung in the foyer of the White House since April.

Giant flags, a new ballroom, endless harrumphing from the opposing side. Is this the White House or an episode of Love It or List It? Cockburn thinks Trump should just keep pushing the boundaries. Take down Washington and Lincoln’s portraits and replace them with a meme painting of a muscular Trump wielding a machine gun and flying bareback on an eagle. Let the man posterize himself. He’s the ultimate man of the people after all, and this is the People’s House.

Jimmy Kimmel In Diretta!

On his ex-girlfriend Sarah Silverman’s podcast last week, Jimmy Kimmel announced he has procured Italian citizenship and is considering an exodus because of Trump. Alluding to ICE and deportations, Kimmel said, “I feel like it’s worse than probably even he [Trump] would like it to be.” Kimmel would be following fellow “national treasures” Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres across the Atlantic if he decides to make the switch.

Cockburn was also amused as the talk-show host got sentimental. “Remember when we almost got arrested at the New York airport for making out in the airport?” Then Silverman clapped her hands to her mouth and exclaimed, “Oh my gosh that was very romantic.” Kimmel added, “Yeah, I was thinking about that on the way over here.”

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