What really is Trump’s ‘wonderful secret’ with Epstein?

The exclusive WSJ letter

Cockburn nearly drove his roadster into a ditch when the Wall Street Journal broke news in the early evening that Donald Trump had written a letter to Jeffrey Epstein for his 50th birthday, which Ghislane Maxwell collected into a “leather-bound album.”

According to the WSJ, the letter “contains several lines of typewritten text framed by the outline of a naked woman, which appears to be hand-drawn with a heavy marker. A pair of small arcs denotes the woman’s breasts, and the future president’s signature is a squiggly ‘Donald’ below her waist, mimicking pubic hair….The letter concludes: ‘Happy Birthday – and may every day be another wonderful secret.’”

In an interview with the WSJ, Trump said the letter was fake. “I never wrote a picture in my life. I don’t draw pictures of women,” he said. “It’s not my language. It’s not my words.”

Later on Truth Social, Trump posted that he’d begged Rupert Murdoch to not run this “fake story,” but that Murdoch did anyway. Trump says he’s going to sue this “Disgusting and Filthy Rag.” Elon Musk, who is somehow still part of the story, says that the letter is “bogus.” “It doesn’t sound like something Trump would say tbh.”

Tbh, Cockburn isn’t so sure, but is going to spend the rest of the summer eating out of a popcorn bowl as big as DJT’s head while watching this delicious story unfold.

A bruised hand and tree trunk ankles mean…

Now it can be told, President Trump suffers from “chronic venous insufficiency,” a condition wherein leg veins have trouble pumping blood back up into the heart, which leads to pooling blood and swelling. This explains why Trump’s ankles looked like tree trunks in recent photos.

Cockburn doesn’t have chronic venous insufficiency himself, but he can imagine a day when this occurs, so he’s sympathetic. Keep in mind that President Trump is nearly 80, and is the liveliest octogenarian this side of Sir Mick Jagger. Still, this marks a huge difference from the health reports of Trump’s first term, when the White House assured us that Trump was hearty enough to win at Pebble Beach, if he so chose.

But we live in the era of the elderly President. If Trump demands that we know everything about Joe Biden’s health while in office, that requires a bit more transparency on his administration’s part. Just pray that no one asks Trump a question about his compression socks. He just might pull up a pants leg to show us. Along those veins, we don’t want to know.

On our radar

NEW EPSTEIN DOCS? Trump has authorized Pam Bondi to release a grand jury testimony from the prosecution of Jeffrey Epstein. She said she will make the request in federal court  today.

FOR THE GALLERY Former Missouri congressman Billy Long will be ceremoniously sworn in as IRS commissioner today. As a representative, Long sponsored a bill to get rid of the IRS.

CAN’T TOUCH THIS The House passed an $831.5 billion defense bill. It covers costs for new naval vessels, new aircraft, space capabilities and the “Golden Dome” missile defense program.

I guess we are replaceable after all

Which White House reporter was spotted generating a question on ChatGPT – then reading it off their phone – during Thursday’s press briefing with Karoline Leavitt?

Crouch, touch, pause… engage

Cockburn donned his scrum cap for a Wednesday social at the British Embassy with four rugby teams: the USA men’s and women’s, the Fiji women and the England men’s team. Lord Peter Mandelson was a gracious host, as ever, telling the room that you could tell which players were from England as they were the “taller, brawnier” ones.

The captains from each of the teams also participated in a Q&A. “The weather and humidity was a bit of a shock to us today,” said England’s George Ford. It was over 90 degrees and the English team had made an arduous trip up from Argentina – where it’s winter – earlier in the week. Guests milled around the air-conditioned hall, scarfing fish and chips hors d’oeuvres and swilling Pimm’s and sparkling wine. There is a sold-out double header at DC’s Audi Field this weekend, with the US women playing Fiji and the US men playing England.

Spotted at the Embassy: Steve Borthwick, Kevin Sinfield, George Ford, Nick Isiekwe, Freddie Steward, Lord Peter Mandelson and Reinaldo Avila, Britt McHenry, Sarakshi Rai, Nick Gilbertson Connor Stringer and Katy Balls.