Prizes, bets and venture capital: how Democrats plan to win

“The old ways of doing business just aren’t cutting it” for the Democratic Party, the New York Times wrote. Democrats are acting like a bloated, out-of-touch corporation that has no idea why it’s bleeding customers. The Times article talks at length about several PACs, activist groups and nonprofits that are trying to inject fresh ideas into the Democratic machine. These ideas add up to: knocking on doors and creating targeted digital ads.

One functionary from a group called Priorities USA says that he wants the group to function “more like a venture capital firm, making a number of smaller bets on a wide range of initiatives and funding only the best performers – and using the incubation process as a way to learn about what works and doesn’t.” If American voters want anything, it’s to have their political parties be “more like a venture capital firm.” What could be more sympathetic or relatable to the average person?

Movement Labs, is offering a $100,000 “Prove It Prize,” less than Mr. Beast typically gives contestants to eat the worms or throw the ball in the water or whatever, for the idea that will most increase voter turnout. One suggestion: offer a free lunch and a ride to the polls, which is how the Democrats used to stay in power.

“Vote Forward, an affiliate of Swing Left” (not to be confused with Fall Back), is backtracking from their failed strategy of sending 10 million handwritten notes to voters. “We need to fix the Democratic brand and that requires rebuilding trust and listening,” a representative of that group said. “We can’t be involved in small tweaks anymore.” The big change: having volunteers knock on every single door in a contested district with “plans to have door-knockers record their interactions with voters in voice memos that would then be analyzed using artificial intelligence.” Sounds like a winner! Republicans are certainly shaking in their cowboy boots.

Priorities USA is in the process of a pilot program that “gathers data from sources like podcast transcripts and online comments to try to make ads more timely and appealing” and is also focused attention on newfangled internet doo-dads like YouTube and TikTok. Maybe they can also pop up on Facebook Reels next to the Nate Bargatze interviews and the “comedy” pieces about the difference between eating in the U.S. and Italy. They sound like grandpa asking how to use the Roku.

There was an expression I used to hear at the poker table, “don’t tap the glass,” meaning you don’t want to alert the fish to the fact that you’re fleecing them for all they’re worth. In Art of War terms, you never interrupt your opponent when they’re making a mistake. But I have no partisan dog in this fight, so I can point out that the current Democrats are pointy-heads and chin scratchers who clearly have no clue about how the modern world works or what interests people. They’re pouring countless millions into projects and apps that will have no effect and will do no good for anyone except for the startups running this bald-faced grift. I, too, could say I’m developing an app that will maximize voter returns using AI and TikTok. Where’s my eight million dollars, Act Priorities USA?

This is even funnier because the Democratic Party has the answer right in front of them in New York City. Zohran Mamdani may be a Communist, but he certainly cracked the code on how to reach the Democratic base. He talked about issues that concerned them, and presented solutions. His social-media team rapidly churned out quality video content that could go viral, and fast, across multiple platforms. He is young, good-looking and has a sense of humor.

The Mamdani campaign didn’t need to wake up and realize it was 2025; it already, organically, lived in the present day. As Andrew Cuomo bumbles and Boomers his way to disaster, the Dems would be wise to watch how Mamdani responds. The way forward sits directly in front of them, no door-knocking or AI analysis bots required.