Kiss goodbye to the TSA’s oppressive shoe removal policy

A great travel miracle has occurred – and Cockburn, who flies frequently and disgruntledly, couldn’t be more thrilled. The TSA, as of either yesterday or very, very soon, will no longer require airline passengers to remove their shoes when going through security.

Shoes on/shoes off has been the bane of every commercial airline passenger’s existence since British terrorist Richard Reid attempted to detonate his shoe bomb on a flight from Paris to Miami in December 2001. Since then, it’s been federal policy to X-ray your Nikes and, repulsively, your flip-flops. Now either that threat has passed – or maybe it wasn’t ever that much of a threat. Regardless, we are free.

Cockburn would like to see some other flying experience changes to accompany this one. Surely the technology must exist, in this advanced era, to allow us to pack a family-sized toothpaste in our carry-on, and to let our laptops to remain in our bags when going through the scanner, even without TSA Pre-Check. Also, he would like to call for an end to “airplane mode” and to make it illegal for the guy next to us to unwrap a Chipotle burrito mid-flight. We live in a time of wonders. Let’s make it happen.

On our radar

NOBEL INTENTIONS Benjamin Netanyahu has nominated President Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize over the 2020 Abraham Accords. The Israeli Prime Minister said Trump “created new opportunities to expand the circle of peace and normalization.”

MARCO POLO An unknown fraudster has been impersonating Secretary of State Marco Rubio with AI and contacting foreign and national officials on Signal since mid-June.

WEAPONS FOR KYIV The President announced he will send more weapons to Ukraine, following last week’s reports that shipments had halted due to American stockpiles being low.

Crank that…

America turned 249 on Friday – an occasion that CJ Pearson, a 22-year-old conservative influencer, chose to mark with a “Cruel Kids Summer” party at Brock Pierce’s Northeast DC penthouse the next day. The guests, who mostly adhered to the all-white dress code, were greeted by “Make America Party Again” baseball caps and cans of Happy Dad, the Nelk Boys’ seltzer (that served as one of the party’s sponsors).

“We are so back and we’re not going anywhere!” Pearson told the crowd.

This is not the influencer’s first party of the year. He hosted a “save TikTok” rager ahead of Trump’s second inauguration, with an appearance from Waka Flocka Flame. New York magazine’s Brock Colyar featured that party heavily in their cover feature, “The Cruel Kids’ Table.” But on the magazine’s cover, the main photo was cropped from landscape to portrait… excluding various ethnic minority guests and making the party seem whiter than it was. The journalist who wrote the feature also quoted an attendee who said “the entire room is white.” Oops! Pearson, who is black, said in February he was considering taking legal action against the magazine. “If they want to slander us as racist, they ought to pay the cost when they do it,” he told Fox News.

As he weighs his options, Pearson threw a blowout birthday party for the nation – complete with a set from Soulja Boy. Attendees crammed into the main room of the property in the sweltering 88-degree heat as the rapper whipped through a brief set including “Turn My Swag On,” “Donk” and, yes, “Crank That.” His warm-up act was country singer Alexis Wilkins – currently dating FBI director Kash Patel – who sang “God Bless the USA.” Cockburn spotted former White House deputy press secretary Hogan Gidley bopping along at the top of the stairs. Also in attendance: X influencer Dom Lucre, who wore a necklace bearing the slogan “Dom Lucre, Speaker of Narratives,”  Treasury deputy chief of staff Cora Alvi, PragerU’s Xaviaer DuRousseau and every Republican Hill staffer you can think of.

Cringe congressman tracker theatrics

Republicans and Democrats have their differences, but one enlightening similarity is how members of Congress treat their “trackers”: the low-level employees, usually paid by rival campaigns, who closely follow them. Congressmen are eager to convert their tracker interactions into social media capital.

Take Representative Tim Burchett: the Tennessee Republican opts to douse his tracker in wince-inducing roasts. “Do you think 16 million Americans deserve to lose their healthcare?” the slightly dorky-looking young tracker in shorts asked Burchett in one clip. The 60-year-old slowed his strut and asked, “Do you think 435 members of Congress deserve to see your legs like that every day?” Sideways laughing emojis dot Burchett’s replies, along with exclamations such as, “You are a national treasure Tim!”

On the other hand there’s Congressman Eric Swalwell. The Californian is calmly approached by a genial and definitely real tracker who calls out, “Hey Congressman!” Swalwell turns immediately to the tracker, gives him a little smile and says, “What’s going on man? You’re everywhere.” Cockburn can’t help but wonder how Swalwell’s team got the tracker footage so easily…

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